Gravity Central
by DWStar
Summary: My original AU and Fanfic where Gravity falls takes place in an Urban setting called Gravity Central, based of LA. Same style with some deviation as original gf but have some differing elements. Also, Dipper and Mabel come From boring Oregon.
1. Welcome to Gravity Central

AU Fanfic where Gravity falls takes place in California, in a Los Angeles type city called Gravity Central, and Dipper and Mabel come from (Ironically enough) Boring Oregon. Gonna have the same heart as GF but just takes place in a more urban environment. Diclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls and am not associated with Disney.

* * *

Just another day in the Mystery Shop, and upstairs, it's two new residents were getting settled and unpacked. While Mabel started playing with the dangerous, touchy fixtures protruding from the peeling walls, Dipper wasn't exactly comfortable with his new surroundings. The apartment he shared with his sister, Mabel, seemed to have a more safety hazards than actual safety, and he wasn't used to city life. Or sleeping with sounds of what was probably gunshots.

 _How did i end up here?_ He thought as he began to think about the recent change in his life, and the beginning of his summer.

Dipper and Mabel Pines came from a quiet town named Boring, Oregon. However, this summer their parents decided they needed to see the world. So, they sent them down south to a shifty city named Gravity Central in California.

Their great uncle, Stanford Pines managed a pawn shop on the border between the rest of the town, and a desolate district that supposedly had people living in it but no one ever came in or out. He made a living from selling possibly stolen items and scamming city folk with cheap, and possibly illegal means and.

"In this alley, you can watch two homeless people fight for money."

"On your left, you can see this completely fake chalk outline where someone was chocked to death. Hey, hey I said no cameras!"

"If you follow me down this abandoned alley, you can see the area where tour guides pickpocket tourists. Now everyone look at that real attraction scribbled on the wall in blood."

Dipper shuddered at the thought of being a tourist at his shop without knowing what really went on as he polished a crystal ball.

Meanwhile, His sister was trying to hit on another city boy.

"uhhhh" The clueless city boy said as he looked at the note written by Mabel.  
" Do you like me? Yes. No. 42 bludgeon street." He suddenly looked up and around as he realized that was his home address.

Mabel looked from behind the soda machine like a shark. "I did my homework" she said with a grin.

"Maybe you should stop stalking the boys. Apparently, you can actually get arrested for it" Dipper told Mabel while he put back a monkeys paw a now-foaming-at-the-mouth boy tried to steal.

'What? Pshhh. Grunkle Stan's been teaching me to get away with it. Its a lot easier than at home."  
Speaking of whom, Stan had entered the room.

"Alright people. I'm trying to reach out to different types of people so I need someone to put up flyers in the desolate, creepy part of the neighborhood."  
"Not it" Both Mabel and Dipper said at once.

"I'd like to reach different types of people Mr. Pines" answered Soos, the plumber who was peering out from behind a broken toilet.

"I don't want to give a weird impression, Soos. Wendy, go do it" Stan grunted

"I would, but this magazine weighs way too much to get off my chest. It's uh too heavy" came the response from the redhead behind the counter. She was the daughter of a local construction worker, and worked as a clerk for the Mystery Shop.

"I'd fire you if you weren't blackmailing me. Okay, eenie meenie miny, you." Stan pointed at Dipper.

"Grunkle Stan, i feel like someones always watching me there and it makes me uncomfortable."

"You make me uncomfortable, kid. Now hurry up before it gets dark. I need your help to rob some muggers." Stan handed him the flyers and a staple gun.

And so, Dipper was stuck stapling papers to lampposts to promote scamming people in a neighborhood whose existance was probably a legal issue.  
"Grunkle Stan, there's something definitely suspicious here. Why won't you beleive m-ow!" He was suddenly cut short by tripping over a small brick protruding from a wall that seemed like it had no right to be there, without any rhyme or reason. Just a wall with one side on the side of the sidewalk.

He took a closer look at the cavity where the brick fell out, and saw a glimmering object. It was a gold key, that seemed to have an emblem of a hand on it. He took it out and examined when someone approached him from behind.

"From where did you first see me?" a tall thin African american boy asked him.

"Um just now. Didn't see you coming towards me" Dipper replied, nervously backing away.

"What because Im short?! Huh?!" The stranger suddenly became very angry and approached Dipper much quicker.

"Ahhhhh!" Dipper screamed as he ran from the now pursuing teenager.

Finally, after a couple sharp turns down a dark street, He lost him. Unfortunately, he might be lost too.

Leaning against a chain link fence to catch his breath, Dipper noticed something odd. The post he was leaning on had a hole on it, and above it was the emblem of the hand.

He had an idea, and took out the key. He inserted it into the hole, and turned. For a second, nothing happened. But then, a trap door opened behind him.

Under it was a book with the emblem on it as well. Only now, he noticed the hand had 6 fingers.  
"That's weird" Dipper remarked, as he began to read through the book.

"It's hard to believe it's been 6 years since i started to research the mysteries behind Gravity Central, California." He flipped through the pages some more, seeing some entries and drawings; Bat people, tiny men, leprecon artists who stole money.

"My suspicions have been confirmed. I'm being watched. remember, in Gravity central, there is no one you can trust: Trust no one."  
He shut the book and said to himself, "Trust no one".

"Heya Dipper!" came the voice behind him.

"Ahhhh!" Dipper, startled fumbled with the book.

"Watcha reading, Dipper?" Mabel asked, who had apparently found him while wandering the streets.

"Uhhhh..." He tried to hide the book behind him. "Maybe we should go somewhere private".

Back at the Shop, Dipper was explaining his new book to his sister.  
"It's amazing Mabel! Gravity central has some kind of dark side to it, and the guy who wrote the journal was investigating it."

"No way!" She gasped in excitement.

"And get this. Halfway through, the pages just stop, like he just vanished. Hey whose that?" Dipper asked when the doorbell rang.  
"Time to let the cat outa the bag" she said as she literally let a small orange kitten out of a plastic bag, and it went bounding out the window.

"How did you-"

"This girls got a date!" Mabel went to the door and let in the same teenager Dipper encountered earlier.  
"Wha-" Dipper fell back seeing him. Just then Stan came into the room.

"Hey kids. Whose that? And why is Dipper afraid of him?" asked Stan in his underwear.

"This is Anthony. We met on the street. He's really nice"

"Hey" said the visitor not seeming to notice Dipper, who still seemed in shock.

"Well, see you guys later! Were going to one of those inner city dance classes, then dinner. Bye!" and the duo left through the door.

"Sheesh, whats your problem" Stan asked Dipper.

"I met him on the street earlier, grunkle Stan. He makes me uncomfortable"

Stan looked at him quizzically. "Look kid, I don't judge but theres a word for people like you. I'm not allowed to say it because the chanell we're on doesn't allow it, but it starts with R and ends with ascist" Stan told him as he left.

"I swear Mabel, I'm going to get to the bottom of this." Dipper monologued as he grabbed his jacket. "And I'm not rascist" he muttered to himself while opening the journal.

He flipped through the pages and his eyes widened when he stopped at an entry.

"Lurking the streets, and always seeking young prey. Prone to anger when someone remarks on a physical feature. Often passes off disguised as dark skin teenagers (Or superheroes), beware of Gravity Central's" he gasped. "Bat people!"

Stan was upstairs in the bathroom, when he heard something that suspiciously sounded like "black people".

"That boy had better not just said that. I should fire him but free labor's more important than promoting diversity"

So, Dipper followed his sister and her boyfriend around town. He was defnitely strange, he was really sensitive about his height despite being relatively tall and his hand eye coordination was a bit odd. But nothing unusual.

He even tried to confront Mabel about it in the pawn shop.

"Mabel, we need to talk. I think your boyfriend might not be who you think he is."  
"I know, isn't he great!" she happily replied putting on a new sweatshirt.

"No i think he might be..." He paused as he went through the journals pages for effect. "A bat person!" He finished, holding the journal.

"What you mean like a superhero?"

"Mabel! I'm not joking. It all makes sense. His coordination, how he never takes off his hoodie; he never blinks! Have you noticed that?"

"Dipper. I've been waiting for a guy like him for a long time, and I'm not going to let you ruin this for me. Were going to the abandoned rec center to hang out and have. A good. Time!" She yelled at him while slamming the door in his face.

Finally, Dipper resigned himself to his room above the Shop.  
"It's hopeless. Maybe i am just racist" he pondered himself, while going through the footage he took.

"After all, what are the chances he' actually a-" He stopped when he looked at a clip during dinner when Mabel went to the bathroom. He saw fangs come out of his mouth, and the steak juice sucked out.

"Oh my gosh, I was right! He's a bat person!" Dipper ran down the stairs past Stan and his next group of victims. As he went outside, he ran into Wendy.

"Wendy, I need to borrow the tour cart to save my sister because her boyfriend is a bat person and it turns out I'm not racially discriminatory!"

She just smiled and gave him the keys.

"Don't hit any pedestrians" As she walked away.

Dipper started up the car and Soos stopped him.

"Dude, take this for the bat people" As he handed him a small axe.

Dipper smiled as he backed up the golf cart and went off to the abandoned rec center where Anthony and Mabel would have their next date.

Meanwhile, Mabel was with Anthony. They were alone in the disparate building and Anthony was standing just a short distance away, looking away from Mabel.

"Mabel, we've been going out for a while, and well... I've got to tell you something. Just promise to be cool with it" He told her.

"Oh Anthony, you can tell me anything." _Please be a bat themed superhero, please be a bat themed superhero._

"Ok just... Don't freak out" he said as he removed his hoodie... and his face also fell off, revealing to be a mask. His body melted into black particles the size of ants and he turned out to be,

"The mighty ant riders, the Abatwa" the leader of the ant people said to her.

"Uhhhh" She sat down. Mabel had not time to react in any other way than weirded out and confused.

"Ok, so i guess this is a hard transition, so first things first. We're ant people from Africa. We migrated here on a boat and took resident in this town. Since then, we have been looking for a new woman to call our queen." He said as his followers cheered.

Mabel sharply inhaled. "Look, guys. I don't think its going to work out." She told the thousands of hopeful faces. "I'm a human girl, and you guys are a bunch of small war-"

"What did you call us?!"

"Huh? Wait what?"

"We are massive! We tower over buildings and step on mountains!" as his tribe members nodded in angry agreement.

"But your so.. widdle" she said trying to keep a straight face.

"Ok, that's a deal breaker. Get her!" and all the Abatwa swarmed her, clearly offended.

Just then Dipper arrived. "Mabel, I'm here to save- what is happening?"

"Dipper! Anthony turned out to be a tribe of ant people who are super sensitive about their size and their jerks and it has nothing to do with race!"

"Ant people? I was way off." He muttered to himself as he cut Mabel free from them.

She got into the cart and they drove off. "Safety first" He said while backing out of the building.

"You will regret this Dipper Pines. We are not one to be underestimated. Insect people, assemble!" he shouted as millions of insects flew out of all crevices and came together.

Dipper and Mabel drove off. "Hurry, their gonna catch us!" Mabel told him urgently.

"Don't worry about it" He chuckled. "little ants, cant go anywhere". Unfortunately, it was at that moment a massive figure loomed behind him.

"You will pay for calling us small, mini humans!" Anthony yelled at them from atop what seemed to be a giant composed of insects.

"Aaaaahhh!" They screamed as the mass chased after them.

It tore a lamppost out of the ground and threw it at them, and Dipper swerved to avoid it.

Coming back to the Shop, Dipper and Mabel were overturned by a pothole and tumbled in front of the entrance.

"Ugh" Mabel rubbed her head and was sudden seized by a large hand.

"You have insulted our people, and for that, you must pay!" Dipper panicked and looked around.

"Grunkle Stan, help!"

Stan was busy giving a tour. "If you look here folks, you'll see the alley where if you park your car here, it'll be dismantled and it's tires replaced with cinderblocks. Look! A fascinating object in the opposite direction of your car" He pointed in astonishment while Soos took four cinderblocks and a car jack and began working while everyone was looking away. "That's right, keep looking folks, You'll definitely see something".

Dipper looked around and saw the bottle he was using to polish the crystal ball. "Bug spray? Huh. Thats oddly convenient. Mabel, Catch!" he threw the bottle towards his sister.

Narrowly catching it, she took aim at the monster's arm. "Die, you gross monster whose name was just a really bad pun on the word 'ant'!". She broke free as the Abatwa fell to the ground and their ant mounts died.

"Nooo! Antonio! He was my best man at my wedding... we grew up together and he gave up his dream college so he could support-aghghhghhhhh" a random ant rider screamed as Mabel shot him with the spray.

"That's for the unnecessary ant pun!" She held up the bottle, threatening any who got close.

"Anyone else want some?" Dipper smiled as the Ant riders retreated back into the street cracks.

With the most difficult part over, the twins headed back into the shop, exhausted.

"Dipper, hold on. I'm sorry for ignoring you. You were just looking our for me"

"Aww, don't mention it. I'm sorry he turned out to be a bunch of ants. Maybe the next one will be a superhero."

She slightly held out her arms. "Awkward sibling hug?"

He gave a small smile. "Akward sibling hug."

"Pat pat" They said in unison.

The bell rang as they entered the shop

"Yeesh did you two get mugged? Ahhahahaha, ahahahahaha!" Stan laughed as they just walked by, dispirited.

Stan sobered up a little to cheer them up.  
"Uhh hey. I lifted a lot off those tourists,and I got some things you might like."

"What's the catch?" Dipper asked suspiciously.

"Catch is, you take what im offering. Now here" He handed Dipper a black baseball hat with a pine tree on the front and back so it can be worn either way.

"huh. Not bad" He thought as he tried on the different ways to wear his new cap.

"And here ya go kiddo." He gave Mabel a packet of smile dip.

"Ooohhh" she said as she opened it up and tried it.

"Umm Grunkle Stan, is that safe?" He asked as Mabel started running around with her pupils enlarged.

"I think she'll be fine"

Later that evening, Mabel's sugar high had worn off and they were getting settled into bed. Dipper was making an entry into the insect page of the journal, adding in the Abatwa.

 _Indigenous to Africa, they are mostly harmless, Never remark on small size. Weakness: Bug spray_

 _In Gravity central, there was supposedly no one i could trust. But after a few life threatening events with someone, I think it's safe to say that i trust them._

"Night Mabel"

"Night Dippingsauce. Don't let the bed bugs bite"

They laughed at Mabel's perfect choice of words to end off the day. But below, Stan was still awake. He walked to the door to the living room but stopped next to the soda machine. He typed in a set of familiar numbers and the machine swung open like a door. He entered and looked around before closing it behind him. the light flickered and then shut off.

Zhofrph wr judylwb fhqwudo

* * *

Hoped you all liked it, it's my first fanfiction! Rate and review, i'd love to know what you think of my AU. The next chapters might not be as long/detailed as this, gonna try to deviate from the episode plot lines a bit more. Gonna try to update soon. Bye!


	2. Shops and Robbie

Diclaimer: I do not own Gravity falls, and am not associated with Disney.

* * *

Another day in the Mystery Shop in Gravity Central. Soos was trying, once again, to fix the broken toilet at the complaint from Grunkle Stan that it was working perfectly fine and no longer spraying customers. The teen in the hoodie and jeans, Wendy, was reading _Street Rappers Magazine_ (She couldn't stand country) and Dipper was reading his journal. Mabel, on the other hand, was nowhere to be found. Just then, Stan walked in from the entrance.

"Soos! Wendy!" Stan yelled from the door.

Soos immediately ran over, still slightly soaked in water while Wendy didn't look up from her magazine.

"Yes mister Pines?" Soos panted.

"I'm heading out to bargain attractions from people in bad financial situations. Guard the shack from any criminals that aren't me."

"Not happening" Wendy replied.

"Yes sir!" Soos said enthusiastically.

"There's 10 loaded guns pointed at our only ladder. If anyone tries to steal something, you can use one of them. Now stay out of trouble." And with that, Stan left.

There was a slight pause, then Wendy asked "Why does he have 10 guns pointed towards a ladder" and Dipper just shrugged.

"Dipper! You'll never guess what I just found!" and Mabel bounced into the room, barely containing her excitement.

"Um, Mabel? Did Stan bribe you with more smile dip? You know that stuff makes you sick" Dipper asked and Wendy picked her head up.

"Nope! Well yes, but that's not it. You'll never guess what I found in a secret door in our room."

"Secret room?" Wendy answered.

"Close! Come upstairs and I'll show you." And Mabel ran upstairs.

"Alright! Secret junk. Better than watching Stan's creepy junk" Wendy said, referring to the myriad of possibly cursed gypsy items, including a severed monkey's paw, a crystal ball and a possessed doll people keep bringing back so often that they've started to keep a friendship with little Anne.

"Um guys? I don't think we should leave the shop unattended" Soos nervously told them.

"Yeah, what if something get's stolen. Hasn't there been a thief going around here?" Dipper wondered, an eyebrow raised.

"Dudes don't worry. The items in this place have a better chance of kidnapping customers than being stolen by them. I once saw a severed tentacle drag the pizza guy down a manhole. Besides, were not going to want to miss out on this. Now whose with me? Secret junk! Secret junk!" Dipper and Wendy chanted while going up the stairs and Soos reluctantly followed, periodically looking behind him.

Upstairs, Mabel was waiting.

"Ok, so I was looking for a boys address he didn't know he gave me, and I found this under Dippers bed." Mabel explained pushing her twin's bed aside.

"Whoah" Wendy and Soos gasped, but Dipper went slightly red.

Underneath the bed was a small compartment, and inside was...

"Clay figures!" Mabel exclaimed holding them up. "We got clay ogres, skeletons, even blobs!"

"Warning: Keep out of hands of gypsies, Rabbi and children under 9" Read Dipper.

"Dude, I think the person who used to rent out your room did old timey stop motion." Soos explained.

"Hey, check it out" Wendy said, picking one up. "It's like these guys are alive. Raaah!" She laughed holding one up to Dipper's face.

"Hahaha! Hahahahahaha _I've been laughing too much for too long_ " Dipper whispered under his breath, freezing up as Wendy turned back around to the figures.

This moment was not lost on Mabel, as she gave a creepy, knowing smile to her unsuspecting brother.

"Can't believe this was under Dipper's bed. I wonder if anything else was under there."

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I found this door under a small box where Dipper-mmf!" She was cut off by Dipper holding his hand over her mouth.

"Where I keep my, uh, homework! Yeah that's it" he awkwardly laughed and let go of Mabel.

"Homework during the summer? That blows, man." Wendy sympathized with Dipper, who was now sweating profusely. Luckily, just then the door downstairs opened. "Oh, crud I think that's Stan. See you guys!" And she and Soos disappeared downstairs.

"Whew" Dipper sighed. He then turned to Mabel, who was giving him that creepy smile again. "What?"

"Methinks someone has a cru-ush" she sang playfully.

"I found the box with the creepy Wendy letters and memorabilia. How did you get her hair?" She asked, holding up a red lock of hair.

"That's not important!" He snatched the hair back. "It's no big deal alright? I don't have a chance with her, and eventually I'll realize that and-" Dipper was suddenly interrupted by some commotion downstairs.

"Aaahhhghghhghggh!" It was Stan's voice, and he sounded terrified.

The twins looked at each other and ran downstairs.

"It's gone! It's all gone!" As the kids arrived, they saw Wendy off to the side, holding her arm anxiously and Soos next to their Grunkle.

The entire store was ransacked, and items were littered all over the floor. The monkey's paw was missing, the crystal ball shattered and Anne was nowhere to be seen. Fake valuable watches and jewelry that took so many nights to lift off newly weds and old people had been taken as well. Even Stan's favorite cane was gone.

"You two! I thought I told you to watch the shop" Stan pointed furiously at Stan and Wendy.

"I'm sorry, Mr Pines. We just went upstairs for just a minute and-" Wendy started.

"That's it! I expected this from you, but I thought you would be better than this." Stan now looked at Soos, who was looking at his shoes.

"Whoa, hold on Stan. It wasn't really their fault" Dipper said, trying to defend them.

"Yeah, Grunkle Stan. We found this secret room in our room and we wanted to show them" Mabel chimed in.

"Ugh." Grunkle Stan sighed exasperated. "I'd love to believe you kids, and what you're doing is sweet but this has been a long time coming." Stan turned to his employees.

"Soos, Wendy, you're fired. Pack up your stuff and don't come back to this shop unless you want to do business with whatever's left of my shop."

"Yes Mr Pines." That was all Soos said as he took his kids meal and comical keyboard, which was inappropriately shouting _Yeah!_ as he left the ruins of the shop.

"Look Mr Pines. I deserve this but Soos had nothing to do with it. He wanted to watch the shop but-"

"I don't want to hear it, kid. Just get your stuff" He said, pointing at the door. His eyes watched her as she left.

"As for you, Dipper and Dippette. Clean up the shop. I've got some depressing to do." He ordered, going into his private study.

"This is all my fault. If I didn't look through your stuff they wouldn't have come up with us and gotten fired" Mabel said, sitting down next to a beaten soda machine.

Dipper looked down at his miserable sister and decided enough was enough. "Mabel, we need to make things right." As he crouched down next to her.

"But how do we do that?" She asked looking up.

"Simple; we find the real thief, prove to Stan it wasn't their fault, and everyone is happy again"

Mabel immediately perked up. "Yeah! We can be like the Mystery twins! Mabel and Dipper, crime solving team!"

"I think Dipper and Mabel is better"

"Oho, no it isn't" She laughed at her discouraged brother.

* * *

Dipper and Mabel (after haphazardly shoving all the ruined products into a bag) headed down to the construction site of Southwest Manor at 618 Gopher Road, where Wendy's Father, Manly Dan, worked on the estate. There, they found her talking to a group of unfamiliar faces. Amongst them was a pale, long haired boy holding drumsticks, a two guys with blond hair and tribal tattoos respectively, and a girl whose face was buried in a phone. Also, a large uncomfortable looking boy the two guys were trying to get to taste wet cement mix.

Wendy was chatting with the pale drummer when she noticed her friends approaching.

"Oh hey, it's you two. Meet the gang. This is my boyfriend Robbie" She pointed at the pale boy.

"Sup. Hey, my girl Wendy's been telling me all about you two." He smiled at Dipper, who looked more pained than the kid in the group whose tongue now looked like it was stuck to his teeth by cement.

"This is Lee and Nate" She beckoned to the pair getting more liquid cement. "Tambry" Wendy pointed to the girl taking video of the experience on her phone. "And Thompson, who once got sick eating a lollipop the wrong way". If the boy was embarrassed, he couldn't show it as he was too busy coughing up dried chunks of now solid rock.

"So yeah.. uh we, uh..." Dipper was at a loss of words as Robbie put his arm around Wendy.

"We got a plan to get Soos and you your jobs back!" Mabel finished for him, saving him the embarrassment.

"That's cool but I don't think I'll be coming back to the Shop, even if Stan offers" Wendy told them.

"What!?" Dipper asked, shocked.

"Yeah, my dad doesn't seem to care that much. Plus, I get to spend the rest of the summer with my friends." She looked at her boyfriend and the guys.

Before Dipper could voice his complaint, Mabel spoke up.

"Well, at least help us out with Soos."

She held up a drawing on a paper of Mabel in a Bat suit, and Dipper in a Robin suit. "I had this plan where we go around as superheros that steals people belongings and use it to restock Stan's Shop but we decided to just try to catch the thief."

"Hah! Sweet" Robbie said approvingly at the art.

"So, how do we catch him?" Wendy wondered.

"You leave that to Mabel," Mabel confidently reassured her as Thompson fell to the ground behind her coughing dust and the guys chanted, _Thompson! Thompson! Thompson!_

* * *

Two hours later the group had gone home with the exception of Dipper Mabel, Robbie and Wendy, who were on the roof of an old deserted apartment. By then, it was night and they were in one of the most dangerous night districts in America: The Gravity Central abandoned district. Although abandoned by humans, it was rumored to still be crawling with unknown creatures.

"So basically, we did find some good cop/bad cop stuff with some people/insect people around the abandoned areas around the Shop and apparently, the guy lives at this super spooky building with no elevators or stairs." Mabel explained to the couple.

"And that's the building over there. The ones surrounding them are locked, so this is as close as we can get. Now how do we get up there?..." Dipper asked himself, chewing one of the many pens he kept for thought in his jacket.

While he was thinking about this, Wendy backed up to the railing opposite their target. She got a running start and jumped the gap between the apartment building to the roof of the office building below, and broke into a roll upon landing.

"Wow" Dipper and Mabel looked on in astonishment. Soon, Robbie followed suit and just managed to grab the ledge and was pulled up by Wendy.

"Yeah, my dad didn't trust playgrounds so he let me do obstacle courses at the construction sites. Guess I kinda ruled at it. Now your turn!" She yelled at them

Dipper exhaled. "Ok, now there's got to be a safer way to get down. Maybe we can construct a zipline or a-Mabel!"

He shouted as she pushed him off to the building and would've splattered into dipping sauce if Robbie hadn't caught him.

"Hey man, I hope you're fine," He said trying to hold back laughter while he pulled up the twelve year old kid.

Once he was back on, Mabel landed cleanly next to him, giggling at her brother's misfortune.

"Alright, we just got a couple more buildings to clear and- Hey whose that?" Robbie squinted at a small figure in black jump down from their target building.

"That's him! He's the guy who trashed the Shop and took Soos's job!" Wendy ran in pursuit, leaping on to a fire escape of the next building, then climbing to the roof.

Robbie and Mabel easily kept up with her, while Dipper struggled to keep up. But they gradually gained on the criminal and eventually got him cornered on the roof of a building next to the Mystery Shop.

"Give it up, you're surrounded by 3 and a half capable people" Mabel said to the stranger.

Dipper finally caught up and stopped to catch his breath next to his sister.

"Bro bro, are you ok? You look one of those gross clay blobs" Mabel joked.

The figure still didn't talk but it looked at Mabel from inside it's black hoodie. Then, without warning he charged her and took hold of Mabel by her sweatshirt.

"Hey, let go of my sister!" Dipper futilely hit the person in the jacket and Mabel bit down on his hand. Robbie threw one of his drumsticks at it's face... and it stuck in there.

The figure dropped Mabel to pull the wood out of it's face, but Mabel had taken one of his fingers with her.

"Pteh! His fingers taste like clay! Wait, no." She picked up the severed piece of his hand. "It is clay."

Everything began to piece together for Dipper first, then Wendy and Robbie, and then everyone began to realize. The stranger took of his hoodie, and it the result was the most shocking thing in their lives

Nate had taken off his hoodie and had a drumstick lodged in his face, now being pushed out by a twisting pool of clay. The hand that lost the finger was now growing back it's appendage.

"Wha- Nate?! But how?" Robbie asked confused just as much as everyone else.

"Don't call me Nate! My name is Judah Loew, last of the Hebrew golems! My master created me so long ago, as a resident in what you call the 'Mystery Shop', that accursed prison over there." Referencing the Shop, just next door to their roof stand off.

"He created me for the purpose of being his slave and when I refused, he tried to get rid of me. So, I got rid of him." Judah explained rather dramatically.

" _Dipper, look through the journal for how to deal with this weirdo"_ Mabel advised her brother.

While Dipper looked through the pages, Judah, Wendy and Robbie kept talking.

"So all this time, you lied to us? Did Nate even exist?" Wendy was boiling inside with the thought of being betrayed.

"Nate was a daytime persona I took while I spent the nights searching this town of Gravity Central, looking for my creators notes, the final piece I need to animate my own army."

And with that, a piece of paper fell out of the journal, and Judah's eyes narrowed. He turned his attention to Dipper and walked towards him, as Dipper backed up, until they were at the edge of the building. Mabel tried to get up to help her twin, but the finger she had bit off had formed into a rock hard shackle, binding her to the roof concrete.

"Of course. I should've figured my old man gave it to that six fingered nerd."

"Wait, you knew the author?" Dipper asked, temporarily forgetting the danger he was in.

"Dipper, run!"

"Give me that journal!" Judah grabbed the boy by the shirt, but was immediately pulled off by Robbie. He punched his former friend in the face, and Nate grabbed Robbie by the face, encasing his mouth and threw him into the window of Stan's study with a CRASH! adjacent to their roof.

"Whose throwing unconscious teenagers into my window?! I thought I told you kid's to stop crashing into my study!" Stan yelled from within his study

"Robbie!" Wendy jumped into the now open window with a very confused Grunkle inside.

"I've had enough of you brats." Judah walked over to where Mabel was still trying to break free from the clay cuffs and picked up the struggling preteen girl. When Dipper tried to move closer to help, a piece of Judah's hand split off and held him down.

"You get one chance to give me the book, boy." His broken hand formed into a razor sharp stone blade.

"Uhhhh" Dipper looked urgently through the pages for a way out of this.

"Last chance" And the blade moved closer.

"Dipper, help!"

"I got it!" He stopped at a page. "Wipe away this symbol!" He held up a small picture in the book.

"I don't see-BANG!" Mabel dropped to the ground and they both looked at Judah. His left arm and the left side of his face and chest had been blasted off by a large object.

The golem looked down at them for a second and in the next, he was falling off the building. And then it was over.

* * *

In short, Wendy decided to bring a ladder to get back up to the roof to help. Luckily, Stan, who had a closet fear of latters got scared he wasn't armed with any loaded firearms and threw the latter out the broken window, where it just happened to kill the golem Nate.

A couple days later, everything was back to normal at the Shop. Soos was walking home when the golem Nate landed in front of him and he and Wendy buried the body for Stan. He still thinks he killed an actual teenager, but out of gratuity, Stan gave them their jobs back.

Wendy decided to stay at the Shop, primarily because of all the trouble that went into getting it back. And after all that, Dipper and Mabel were searching their room for more clues.

"Hey Dippity dop, do you think there's any other cool stuff in here?" She asked pushing her bed aside.

"Did you find anything under your bed? You know, cuz there was cursed clay under mine." He replied picking up all his dirty laundry

"Nah dawg. But at least we got these cool clay thingies" She grinned as she picked the clay ogre up and shook it. Then, it's bottom half fell off, and a pair of papers stuck out.

Dipper looked at her sister. She set it down on the floor and opened it up. The two looked inside, and there was only two things: a torn photo and a note. On the photo was someone who looked like Nate, holding a small doll of clay and the name _Judah Loew_ written on the bottom. Dipper read the note out loud.

 _"I've been traveling the world for years and one of my stops has been Gravity Central, California. During my time here, I've seen many amazing things. But more amazing is a certain researcher I've been studying with, he's brilliant. He helped me create my first sentient golem. However, this city is dangerous and everyday I fear not coming back. So, I leave this note at my trusted friends house. Should anyone find this after my untimely end, I leave you with this: 618 Gopher road. More will be revealed.  
-J.L"_

The twins looked at each other realizing what this meant. They had just found their lead to the author of the journals.

Wkh ilqdo jrohp, ghdg wklv gdb, vr pdunv wkh hqg ri wkh phq ri fodb.

* * *

Hope you guys liked it, It took me a while and I have mixed feelings about it personally. I don't concentrate on shippings, but I should probably mention that I won't be shipping Wendipper. I went for a more friendly version of Robbie, and I think I like this version better. In case you were wondering, this is a mix of the Headhunters and The Inconveniencing. Thx for reading, Rate and Review.


	3. Phantom Spirit Tracks

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravity Falls, and am not associated with Disney.

* * *

The Gravity Central metro was worn down, to say the least. The lights were half out, and those that were on blinked and winked out occasionally on run-down benches and people. Old bus schedules littered the pavement, and rats scuttled about. And most Horrifying was a strange gargoyle- like creature, old and wrinkly, with cataracts clouding it's eyes. The monster crept up on a couple kids, a pair of twins, looming behind ready to pounce on them before-

"Grunkle Stan, we can see you there."

Dipper was not amused by his and his sister's uncle sneaking up on them. He got them the first few times, but it didn't much but a few nights in the city and the sound of gunshots at 3:00 am to get him and Mabel used to furtive surprises from Stan.

"Alright, fine" He slumped back. "you got to let up, kid."

"And you-" Mabel hopped up on a bench. "got to tell us what we're doing in a creepy subway."

Grunkle Stan crossed his arms. "Well, I was thinking at first, why don't we do some family bonding, maybe go fishing or hustle some poor saps together. But then I thought, 'naw, I think I'll just go chase some women'. So you kids stay within 50 feet of me while I flirt and use bad one- liners."

"But grunkle Stan", Mabel groaned. "We don't want to see you get denied happiness all day." Before He could object to that, dipper cut in.

"Grunkle Stan, why don't we just go do whatever, maybe stay at the station or something while you go do that. we'll be totally fine."

Stan pondered this. "You know, a responsible parent would never leave you alone in a dark subway on the corner of abduction street." He grinned slyly. "good thing I'm an uncle! Ok, so this place is full of criminals looking for kids like you. So, go commit a crime so you become one of them. " Just then a voice called out frantically.

"I seen it! I seen it again!" The town mechanic and nut job, Old Man McGucket, was barreling down towards them, knocking things out of people's hands and sending Lazy Susan's pie in her and a few other pedestrian's faces, to her dissapointment.

"It's the Ghost Tram! You gotta get over there before it gets away!" The kook hopped about like a lunatic as Mabel smiled. "Aww, he's doing a happy dance."

"No! It's a jig of great danger!" McGucket screamed, and grabbed onto her.

"I think it's a jig of great lawsuits if you don't go away", Stan remarks as he pulls the twins close. "But I got proof this time, by crips!" The twins looked at each other in disbelief he's even allowed to say that word. Nonetheless, the subway's patrons gazed upon a grainy picture Old Man McGucket pulled out of his beard. It appeared to be a train that pulled in around 9:30, that seemed almost transparent and not attached to the tracks. A fluorescent fog wafted in with it, along with an eerie glow that blurred the photograph. "That's fake. who do you take us for, anyhow?" Lazy Susan scowled and wiped lemon meringue off her apron. The crowd murmured in agreement and went back to waiting for the metro.

Dipper and Mabel had taken interest, however. "That's Awesome! Imagine if we managed to get some real footage of it or even prove the ghost tram's existence!" Dipper was ebullient. "yeah, imagine…" before he could imagine anything, Soos crossed by.

"Hey dudes. did you guys say you need a sort of adult to accompany you?"

"Yeah!" They yelled in unision. "That okay with you grunkle Stan?" Dipper turned around, and saw he was already on a car heading downtown.

"Bye, try not to get run over!"

After taking a look at the photograph again, Dipper started briefing them.

"Ok guys, what's the biggest problem when hunting ghosts?"

"ghost pirates?"

"the beams cross?"

"No" Dipper taps his chin. "Camera trouble. Every time ghosts come along, either the thing goes to static, or the footage is just lost. That is why I have packed each of us 15 cameras. 5 for me,2 spares, 4 for both of you, 3 in this bag and one high- powered flash camera in my hat. ok, let's test em' out." They lose 5 cameras immediately, one out of frustration of losing multiple cameras.

"Guys! try not to lose your cameras. I repeat, do not." The trio then waits, for the tram to come after hours.

* * *

Meanwhile, Grunkle Stan was getting his game on in the city's red light district. He then spotted a woman waiting at a ticket booth. Smoothing his suit out he leaned against a beam and made eye contact.

"um, hello sir, may I help you?"

Stan grinned and inspected his fingernails "Y'know, I've been convicted of dozens of felonies. But the biggest would be stealing your heart!" The screamed and ran away, her ticket fluttering to the ground.

"Huh" he looked up. "Not a good pick- up line to use on Organ McStealy street."

He sighed, but just as soon picked himself up to find his next victim.

* * *

Back at the subway, They were getting bored. Aside from strange hairy men offering dipper manliness and regularly scheduled trams, nothing had really happened.

Dipper was pacing back and forth.

"Alright, so the train isn't showing up soon. But We just need to stay positive."

"Who are you telling to be positive?" Mabel chided "You're always so serious, like a cranky old judge."

"She's right, dude. like, on a scale of one to ten, you're like a depressed clown" Soos added.

Before Dipper could tell him everything wrong with that, he bumped into a strange bald man in a grey suit.

"Hey watch it dude! Aren't janitors supposed to clean _after_ the tracks are clear?"

The man payed him no attention. "Where is it?" He was scrutinizing the subway floors. "I-I-I-got to find it before it's too late!"

He disappeared around the corner, and had vanished, leaving behind the smell of something burning.

more time passed with still nothing supernatural.

Bored, Mabel started to play with a stray cat.

"Wubbalubadubdub!" She opened and closed the tabby's mouth

"Mabel, stop messing with that cat. It could have rabies.", Dipper chided her

"Aww, don't worry. Maybe I'll give you rabies, dipper", the cat mouthed.

Mabel and Soos laughed as the stray bounded off and Dipper rolled his eyes. He reached into his vest and pulled out a journal- a worn book with a plain six fingered hand as the emblem on the front. He flipped through the pages lazily while Mabel and soos threw cameras at vermin, when the intercom sounded

"The Gravity Central metro terminal is now closing. Please exit the station and thank you for your patronage."

They groaned. "Great. all that waiting, and for nothing." Said Dipper, crestfallen. "let's just go home."

"agreed" They all said. A gust then blew, and Soos's hat blew away, and some cameras with it. "Hold on dudes, I got to go get that." They raced after it, and managed to catch it when it landed onto the tracks. As Soos deftly put the cap back on his head, a roaring VROOOOOOOOOOOM echoed through the tunnel, and lights flashed on the stone of the tunnel.

Dipper gasped. "Come on guys! I think that might be it!" They ran towards the noise of the the shuttle as the gates back to the surface closed.

Stan was not having good luck. Already that night he had been slapped 8 times, 3 by the same woman that took a joke about her and her poodle the wrong way. He was sitting on a stool at a local 1970s greaser joint. He was staring at some old photos when the jukebox began to play some classic jazz tunes from when he was a kid.

Stan sighed. "I remember this. Back when I still had that Manly charm and also maybe a back that didn't always hurt."

"Tell me about it'

He looked across the bar to a lady around his age.

"Where did the times go?", The woman continued.

"Not into your face, that's for sure!" Stan shared a laugh.

"You're funny.", the woman said. "You want to go around the town?"

"Sure, I know a great place where I can blackmail the restaurant owner into giving us free entrees"

"Sounds great" She comes around the bar.

"Say, what's your name, anyway?"

"dakoit",she smiled. And they walked off into the nightlife

* * *

The trio was hurrying in pursuit of the tram. but after the initial commotion, all signs had stopped. It was dead quiet at the end of the line, and found nothing but a dead end.

"Oh no!" Dipper inspected the brick. "Nothing here but a missing people posters, a security camera… It's useless. we've lost the lead."

Soos started to make faces at the security camera. "Blealugealalhuglil."

"Soos, you're hilarious!" Mabel exclaims. After they finished and took some pictures for mabel's scrapbook they headed out, Dipper stood before them. "Alright, real talk, guys. I don't think we're not going to find the ghost tram. We have been waiting all night, searched all the rails and it is 9:30. We have to cut our losses and leave."

"But Dipper!" Mabel puts her hand on his shoulder. "We can't give up now. what about that Train noise we heard earlier, huh? That couldn't be our imaginations!"

"I agree with Maple, dude. Like, I Imagine a lot of things, but I'm pretty sure that was real. Or maybe It's not. Oh my gosh, what if nothing is real!? Is this what philosophers feel like all the time!?"

Just at that moment, though, The shuttle made the same noise as earlier- but right behind them. A banshee-like VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOM rose in volume, and a dazzling light shone like an explosion that knocked Mabel off her feet.

"Run, dudes!" Soos called. Dipper grabbed his sister's hand and the three just barely got onto the platform in time to see a flickering apparition of the train charge past. It was just like In Old Man McGucket s photo. In an attempt to get a picture himself, dipper accidentally dropped the bag of cameras and the film suddenly burst out of another.

"It's ok, we still have more, right? 1...2...3…"

"Ok, I am at least like, eighty percent sure I did not imagine that, dudes." Soos panted.

* * *

Grunkle Stan was having the time of his life with Dakoit, back in a lone alley.

"Hahahahaha!" Stan was joyful.

"A man like you has got to have children, right, Stanny?" Dakoit leaned in.

"Naw. I've been divorced once, after six hours of marriage, though." Speaking of which, wonder how the kids and Soos are doing. Maybe I should give em a call or something.

"Naw, They're fine", He says aloud.

* * *

At the terminal, The twins and Soos got run into a loop.

"The tram should come around at any minute. Be ready." But then the stray cat comes back from behind a trash can.

Mabel perked up "Oh, does Mr. hairballs want to play again? Come here!" She took out a camera and took a photo of it. the flash irritated the cat and it leaped up and spilled the rest of the cameras.

"The cameras!" Dipper exclaimed.

"Don't worry about it, bro bro. We still got like, 50 more." But there weren't anymore cameras. And it was closing in.

"Aaaaaaahhhh!" The sub cam close, and at the last moment Soos stumbled back and hit a railway sign. The Tracks shifted, and the tram steamed down the other way.

"Guys!" Dipper shook them. "did you see that?"

"Wait" Soos says. "The Tram or my life flashing before my eyes?"

"The Train! It switched tracks when we hit the signs! Do you know what this means?"

"I didn't do enough with my life?"

"No", Dipper had new vigor. "It means We can trap it.

They quickly cut across several stations to where the dead end was, and sure enough there was another sign connected to the tracks. They turned it just as the tram peered around the bend . The car was diverted into the closed tunnel, and was stuck.

"Woohoo! We got it!"

"Yeah! I told you we could do it."

"Alright! but do anyone of you dudes have a camera left? I think I lost all of mine running in fear."

"Oh no!" he looked around, under his vest, and panicked until Mabel revealed the high flash camera in his hat. Giddy, Dipper took dozens of pictures. Until he noticed something peculiar. Every time the camera flashed, the train shimmered, almost as if it were a… Dipper leaped down and raised his hand. The tram bucked like a deer as he grew nearer.

"Dipper, what are you doing!?" Mabel's eyes widened.

He reached out. "I think, it might be-" he touched it. His arm passed through, and an entire vertical piece disappeared from the vehicle."- a hologram." And the only true part… Dipper stepped through the veil of light to find Old Man McGucket sitting there, frantically pressing buttons and operating the stick shift of the small cart with his beard.

"Ah, cornswaggles", he says as he turns to Dipper. "Ya caught me" Soos and Mabel stepped in.

"What is this, exactly?" Mabel gestured to the contraption.

"Well, I first had to grease my overall buttons, and then learn to drive this with with only my beard!"

"No, I mean, Why?"

Old Man McGucket scratched his head. Well, I'm kinda lookin' for something around here, and I wanted to make sure no one could find it first by clearing the entire train stations!"

"Well, When did you lose it? And what?"

"About… 6 years ago. I think it was a book. a journal of some kind, with a hand an' a number… uh… fellers, what's the number after 1?."

"I think he means 2" Soos adds in.

"Yeah!"

Dipper steps forward. "Wait, Old Man McGucket. Do you mean like this?" He pulls out the journal and shows it to him.

He cracks it open. "Yeah! But I don't think I ever seen these hoosiwhatsits before."

"Hold on" Something dawns on Dipper. "If there was a '2' on your journal, then maybe…" He pulls out a pencil and paper, and shades on the paper the area where the six-fingered hand is. They found an etching of a number "3". On the paper. "You guys, look!"

"Wait so this means-" Mabel gasps

"Yes, there are 3 journals in Gravity central." Dipper finishes.

"Come on, let's get back."

They met up with Stan back at the terminal.

"So how did your guy's adventure thing go?" he asks as he pops a pitt- cola.

"Yeah, it turned out to be a hologram. You?"

"Great! I had met this great woman, Dakoit, and she was exactly my type! But then…

FLASHBACK

" So I had a great night, Dakoit, best in a while!" Stan said.

"Me too. Say, would you like to keep going? Maybe at your place?" She urged.

Stan turned back to the kids.

"So yeah, when we got back, i caught her calling her boyfriend to rob the Mystery Shop!"

"Wow" Mabel quips, "talk about a backstabber"

"Tell me about it. A Boyfriend! How could she do that!?"

As The tired family made way back to the Shop, a deep rumbling sent shivers along the pipes of the sewers. A tram, at 10:30 at night, had screeched to a stop back at the station. In there were many people, and many more joined in. Only one stepped off as the train passed through the dead end

lmob lmv kvihlm hgvkh luu. z ivw svzw vevm kzovi gszm gsv ivhg

* * *

Hey guys! Hope you liked this story, it was written by my twin bro. (Ironic, I know). He and I co-write this AU as of this chapter. Rate and review, thx!

* * *

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GRAVITY FALLS


	4. The Grand Gargoyle Gala

Dipper was running through the dark, and without a flash light. Something was chasing him through the rubble, something that had been asleep for years, and it wasn't happy. For once, he didn't have his sister and he was trapped in this dark room with this monster.

He panted for breath as he stopped quickly behind a pillar with a graffittied symbol of what seemed to be a Dorito with a hat and one eye.

It screeched and flew overhead, the force of the wind knocking Dippers hat off his head.

"AAAhhhhhh!" Dipper screamed girlishly and a white light appeared. It blinded him, and then it was over.

* * *

7 hours earlier.

It was early in the afternoon, and Dipper, Mabel and Grunkle Stan were waiting in an anxious audience. It was the Grand opening of Southwest estates, and people were crowded in front of a brightly decorated center stage. Oil tycoons, entrepreneurs and even common townsfolk had come to witness it. Decor costed more than most of the people in the audience as slave labor.

"Just look at all these rich people! I feel like I'm in a candy store. So many kids to take candy from!" Grunkle stan exclaimed.

"Umm Grunkle Stan? Exactly who owns all this? I feel like we need to pay just to breathe the air here " Dipper said as he gagged and coughed up small particles of money.

"What? That's ridiculous. If air cost money, I'd still be legally selling smog collected from traffic in mason jars."

"Yeah, but who could possibly afford to hand out free samples of fancy water" Mabel asked as a fancy looking man walked by with a bottle labeled _Rich People Water_.

"Look kids, this building is owned by a family known as the Southwests. Their family could legally own our family with the money they have, so try to marry in. Mabel, try to marry into their family.

"What about me?"

"Just focus on getting married, kid. Now you two be good while I go work my magic on some of these emotionally unstable, rich widows." Grunkle Stan told them while creepily walking towards a woman in black.

"Hey Mabel? Why is it that we have to sit through all this? Remember, our object here is to find the clue Judah left for us." Dipper held up the note they found in the clay figure few days before.

"I know but this is my chance to go out and meet some people! This is our first summer on our own and i want to make some friends. And possibly a bat themed superhero boyfriend" She added.

"Mabel, we need to focus on our priorities. Besides who can you possibly find here you'd get along here? A guy tried to buy us from our Grunkle earlier and he only refused because our organs were worth more"

"Pfft, come on broseph. My organs are worth _way_ more than yours"

"How do you know?"

"I have a really big heart"

Suddenly, the lights dimmed. A dozen identical British men walked out onto the stage with trumpets and played a fanfare, and doves then flew out of the trumpets. Finally, a blonde pre-teen girl in designer everything walked out onto stage as a the television screen above the stage illuminated with the letters, Southwest.

"Hi everyone! As you are all probably legally obligated to know, my name is Pacifica Southwest," The blond in the stage began. " And I welcome all of you to the grand opening of our great new hotel!"

The audience erupted into applause and a small amount of admirers even tore off their shirts in passion, revealing Southewst misprinted into their torsos.

"Woah!" Mabel gasped.

"Yeah, I can't tell if that amount of makeup is pretty or not" Dipper remarked while Stan got slapped by an effeminate man in the background.

"Years ago", Pacifica continued, "the town bank was lost into a sinkhole, tragically killing the bank tellers and a Rabbi somehow locked inside using clay. Well, tragic for you middle class; our insurance policy actually made us even richer. Now, 30 years later, we've built over the giant pit to continue making money off of tragedy."

"Ugh, Pacifica", Stan commented while rubbing his cheek as he returned to them. "She thinks she owns the town. I personally liked the old bank's style; creepy. Loved the stone gargoyles but I'm not gonna trust some government nutjob to watch my money."

"And here's a word from our sponsor: Bud Gleeful Insurance!" She finished and handed the mic to an overweight balding man in a horrendous Hawaiian shirt.

"Thank you darling", He began in a southern drawl. "Now, many would say that our insurance types are ridiculous, or even pointless, but our policies have saved a lot of money for a lot of people, yes they have. Sharknados, apocalypse, sinkholes, these are all things you could be insured for! But I don't want to spend too much time on my company. Now for our companies main act, Gideon!" He stepped aside and the curtains on the stage began to pull back.

"Oh no its-"

"Hello America!" Stan was interrupted by a cheerful, equally southern voice coming from the middle of the curtains. And out walked a 10 year old, white haired boy in a tiny bow tie and black suit.

"Oh god" Stan groaned as he put his face into hand.

Mabel gasped and her eyes sparkled. "He's so adorable!" She squealed as she put her hands on her cheeks.

"Grunkle Stan, who is that? Stan?" Dipper turned to the blank space where his Grunkle just was, but he was now desperately trying to open the locked doors.

He noticed his nephew and sighed. "The creep has been doing nothin but stealing customers I try to steal from! His dad's an insurance salesman, always trying to 'insure people against theft' and warns people about 'that greedy criminal wearing a cult hat at the shop'. Besides, that little menace got to preform as the sponsor instead of the me!"

"Wait, what could you possibly do to entertain these people?"

"Uhhhh" Stan flashed back to a scene in a Disney studio where he was being kicked out by the censors along with a brunette animator with a goatee for mature content and occult symbols. "Stand-up comedy."

"Now for my first trick, I'm gonna need a volunteer from the audience. Now let's see... How about that girl in the adorable sweatshirt!" He pointed to where the Pines family was standing. Dipper turned to his sister but she was no longer there, but up on the stage looking confused next to Gideon.

"Wha- how did you" The bouncy pre-teen looked around surprised on stage.

"For my first trick, I'm gonna need you to trust me. What is this behind your hair?" The chubby boy reached behind her head.

"Oh, probably some glitter. Me and my bro had this weird night a few days ago and I-" She was cut short when he improbably pulled a giant bouquet of flowers from behind her hair.

"For you, m'lady", he blushed and the entire audience went, "Awwwwwww."

Gideon did a few more tricks after that, including sawing Mabel in half and then sawing the saw in half using Mabel. During his final act, Stan tried to get onto stage to sabotage the child, but ended up being dragged away by security. And finally, the show was over as Dipper regrouped with his sister.

"Dipper! That was amazing! Have you ever gotten sawed in half? It doesn't hurt whatsoever. Here, lemme try it on you," She grinned.

"Mabel, it's great that you're making friends but we need to investigate. Remember this? He showed her the note.

Then, a fancy looking man came up behind her.

"Master Gleeful requests your presence backstage privately. He sends this as incentives." The stoic looking man held out a glowstick labeled "The Fun Hazard" in bright red letters and a picture of Gideon saying "We are not liable!" with a wink.

Dipper shot his sister a stern look as she put the glowstick into her sweatshirt pocket.

"Look, I'm gonna do some investigating. After you get back, I need you to be focused with me"

"Don't worry about it. I'm _Laser focused_ " She reassured him while backing into the shadowy stage.

As her brother left to do his nerd stuff, the young perky girl walked backstage where an eager, flustered looking boy was waiting for her.

"Why hello darlin! You know after our performance, I just had to talk for a lil while. Now, um, what did you say your name was?"

"It's Mabel. And you're Gideon!" She smiled and poked him in the stomach.

"Ow. Um, I just had to ask you", he began while rubbing his belly nervously. "I really think we had a somethin special goin out there on that stage. Do you believe in fate?" He asked, leaning close.

"What? Nah, but i do think it'd be fun to hang out sometime." She playfully pushed him away.

"Really? D'you really mean it?"

"Yeah! We could do makeovers, magic. Hey, if i get a chainsaw do you think you can-"

"Mabel! I found something!" Her brother called from out front.

"Who is that?" The little boy asked, somewhat annoyed.

"Oh yeah, I think I need to go. Me and my brother are doing something and he doesn't really think us hanging out is a priority."

"Is that so...?" He rubbed his chin and narrowed his eyes.

"Yep! Well I'll see you at your next show. Bye!", she exclaimed as she ran around the curtain.

She met back up with her brother just as he was wiping the ink off of his chin from a pen he was chewing excitedly.

"Seriously, Dip that's unhealthy" She advised.

"That's coming from someone who tried to eat a scratch and sniff dinosaur", He countered.

"Hey, at least it smelled like it tasted good. Now what did you find bro-bro?"

"I'll explain on the way, now come on!" He grabbed her by the hand and ran down a nearby flight of stairs. "And meanwhile, a nicely dressed figure watched them from the dark.

* * *

Finally, Stan had gotten out of temporary prison due to an arrest technicality and had been dropped off at the Estate once again.

"Once again, Stan Pines gets away for harassment! The justice system can have a warrant to suck it! Now where is that little creep, Gideon?"

As if on cue, the little freckled boy walked by, eyes closed and whistling.

"You! I saw you flirting with my niece, making her turn into air, and pulling rabbits out of her ear o-or something. " Stan said angrily.

He turned to him with delight on his face.

"Why Stanford! What a pleasant surprise. Now I know you and i have had our differences but your niece is just such a wonderful lil' bit a sunshine to have around"

"Listen you little troll, if I catch you messing around with my niece, I'm gonna-"

"Security!" The miniature magician called, and two muscular men marched from the stage

"What seems to be the problem sir?"

"This person is botherin me, please escort him from the premises"

"Can do, sir", and the two men grabbed Stan by the shoulders.

"Wait, hold on! This kid is my illegitimate son! I swear!" Stan yelled as he was dragged from the estate.

* * *

"Here it is, Mabel. I think that holds the secret we've been waiting for. Just sitting there, not even guarded" Dipper explained.

He and his sister were looking down an enormous pit. The door guarding it had a large DANGER sign bolted to it, and Do Not Open written below. The massive space was completely dark, and the only way down was a set of flimsy looking metal stairs.

"Do you really think that holds the answers?" She asked skeptically.

"It all makes sense, Mabel. Years ago, the bank at this address fell into a sinkhole. Not only was the hole never filled, the rubble wasn't even cleared! The secret may still be down there, past all that rubble" He started excitedly.

"Idunno. But, if things get bad, we always have the", she took out the glowstick. "Fun Hazard!"

"Mabel, there is no way that'll be useful so long as we have a flashlight. Besides, I don't trust any 'toy not safe for kids under 21'"

Just then, a certain blonde-haired heiress walked through.

"Hey! What are you poorlings doing down here? Weren't you two with that guy who got arrested in the audience?" She asked furiously.

"Oh, um we were just looking for... the bathroom! Yeah. Couldn't find it. Hehe." He laughed nervously.

"Yeah, my brother has some weird boy issues. Better just stay out of it" Mabel added as her brother elbowed her.

"Look, this level is lower than your income. Get out before I lock you into a dark room!"

And so, they were left outside of the newly opened estate. Stan was yelling something about an illegitimate child, but neither took notice.

"How do we get in now? We can't even get into the building with all those guards watching us."

Suddenly, Mabel's face lit up.

"Don't worry bro, I got this" She said while backing up.

Before Dipper could react, she yelled at the guards and rich people, one of which being the Southwests.

"Hey, there's a bunch of liberal, unionizing ecologist hippies out on the street protesting big money! Get them before they drive away oil-industry killing hybrid cars!" She yelled.

Immediately, all the oil tycoons and other rich capitalists rushed out to apprehend the imaginary protesters in fear minimum wage would raise as Mabel led them away. Dipper took this opportunity to head back down to the basement.

* * *

"Thanks Mabel. Now it's got to be here somewhere". Dipper walked down past the DANGER labeled door and down the creaking stairs and arrived at the bottom after multiple flights. He squinted in the dark and looked around.

All around the brunette boy was rubble. Pieces of smashed houses jutted out of the ground like dark masses.

"It's got to be around here somewhere..." He said to himself as he walked form ruined house to ruined house, looking through old broken pieces. Then, a shape moved in the corner of his eye and he spun around.

"Hello?! Is anyone there?" He anxiously looked around with his flashlight.

"Whoever you are, show yourself!" He squinted as a dark figure loomed behind him. Dipper spun around once again and shined the light behind him onto a stone gargoyle.

"Whew. Just a statue" He let out a breath of relief that was almost immediately interrupted.

"And what do you mean by just a statue?" a low, raspy voice asked. Dipper stumbled backwards, dropping and breaking his flashlight, desperately backing away.

"Wha -what was that? What are you!"

"Hello, human scum. Nice to see the Southwests were nice enough to send something my way" it spat as it bared it's teeth. It's voice was like stones grating on each other

"A gargoyle." Dipper took out his journal and began reading at a bookmarked page.

" _A race of strong, goblin-like creatures, never encounter at night. While turned to stone by intense light, by dusk, these guardians protect buildings in contract with their masters. Weakness:_ _Sunlight_ " He read aloud.

The monster growled from atop it's pedestal. "That's right boy, and that's why I need to stay in this accursed pit. I am a proud gargoyle, last of my kind!" He roared, and the sound echoed off the walls of the pit.

"Then wait. If you had a master -you were in contract with the Southwests!" He exclaimed.

"DO NOT ASSOCIATE ME WITH THAT SCUM" it bellowed, and Dipper was taken aback by the powerful response.

"Years ago, my master was killed in this hole. He was the master of the secrets in the bank, and i protected them!" The gargoyle lept from it's stand and over a startled Dipper to a decrepit old safe box.

"This safe is the final reason is stay here, the final secret my master was given, by a traveling rabbi" He reminisced wistfully as Dipper took out the note and the picture of Judah.

"But now that you're here" it began, "I can't have anyone threatening my mission to protect this box until he comes to retrieve it."

"So, you're going to let me off with a warning and a pinkie promise", Dipper chuckled hopefully, putting the journal away and backing up.

"Yes, of course" it answered.

"Really?"

"No, you have to die. A-hahaha!" It laughed maniacally and Dipper narrowly avoided having his head sliced off by it's razor sharp claws.

"Uff!" He fell to the ground with a thud, and quickly got up to run.

"You'll never get out of here, kid!" It screeched as it flew back around for another pass, the force of the wind knocking the hat off his head.

Dipper took cover behind a pillar with a triangle symbol marked onto it. He took several deep breaths and looked to the beast flying around and saw the stairs.

He quickly looked around and made a mad dash through the dark to the stairway. The gargoyle came back around and Dipper hid behind the stairwell.

"C'mon kid! You don't have to make this weird. It'll be less awkward for both of us if you just let me eat you!", it called out.

Breathing hard, he quickly ran back up to the door, only to see it closed. He struggled with the handle to realize it wouldn't budge.

"Oh no, it's locked! " He yelled urgently.

"Dipper!?" His sister called from behind the door.

"Mabel, it's-"

He was interrupted by the flying demon emerging from below the stairs, looming over him.

"End of the line, boy. You really pay more attention to things labeled as dangerous", It snarled, raising a claw to end it.

"How about things labeled as _Fun Hazards!_ " The door flew open and a blinding light illuminated the room.

Mabel was holding the glow stick triumphantly above her brother, now letting off solar levels of light.

" _Hssssss!"_ It screeched in pain as it's body contorted and only barely managed to grab the railing before it's wings petrified.

"It's not fair! My contract is not complete, my masters wishes unfulfilled! The secrets must never fall into their hands! IT'S NOT FAIRRRR!" It screamed and fell to the concrete below, shattering.

Dipper caught his breath and his sister asked, "Told you it would come in handy."

"Mabel, that was amazing! How did you know it was a gargoyle?"

"That was a gargoyle? I thought you just met some basement dwelling nerd, so I got the one weakness of fanfic writing, TV-obsessed shut-ins: Sunlight!"

The duo made their way down the stairs holding the Fun Hazard as their only light. The Gargoyle's remains were in petrified pieces around the floor, casting long shadows and it's shattered face made angry expressions. Both tried to stay far away from it's body. Finally, they were at the massive safe, the final secret of the sunken bank.

"Now how do we break in?" He wondered, flipping through the journal.

"You leave that to Mabel!" She skipped over to the safe and after a few moments, it swung open.

She looked at her brothers astonished face and grinned.

"Stan's been teaching me to pick locks for this scam. It's a bonding thing."

The two looked inside and found only a single shoe box. Dipper found another note written in scribbles, and Mabel reached in and pulled out a small light blue coin, shimmering in the light of the Glow Stick. On one side of the coin was a symbol of what looked like an explosion, with an infinity symbol in the center of it. On the other was an image of a simple, single door with a crack running down it's frame, but otherwise, just a simple coin. While Mabel began trying to balance the coin on her nose, Dipper began reading.

"If you are reading this, then you have successfully found my final secret, my only clue i have to offer and my most prized possession." He read.

"What?" She said as the coin fell off her nose. "This thing better be worth a lot. Like as much as a dollar coin. Oooh, do you think it's gold? Was he a pirate?"

"Shush Mabel, I'm trying to read." He continued. " _At first, I thought it couldn't be possible, but this coin is definitely linked with the weirdness in Gravity Central. The researcher I've been living with, with the help of a brilliant mechanical scientist, found this coin near the town of...Boring Oregon!?"_ Dipper shouted, and Mabel's coin fell to the ground.

" _This coin, according to them, is extraterrestrial in origin, maybe not even of our universe",_ He read quickly. " _This extremely unstable substance is consisted of an improbably high number of particles per atom, 206 protons, 206 neutrons and 206 electrons. Despite this impossible unsustainable arrangement, it holds together by unknown means and even has an extremely long half life: over 2 billion years! For this reason, we have named it substance 618 or simply Mysterium. It's older than our universe and may even be linked to it's beginning."_

Mabel groaned and sat down. "Hurry up with the nerd stuff, Dipper"

" _I can no longer risk this going into the wrong hands. I fear something is out to get me. In the event I do not make it, I hope someone will track down my comrades, as I cannot say more. As a warning to whoever is reading this: there are powerful forces coming, something I fear cannot be stopped. He is coming and he will stop at nothing to achieve his goal. TRUST NO ONE",_ Dipper finished.

* * *

Two hours later, everyone was back at the Shop. Stan, Dipper and Mabel had met up in the living room for some mindless television.

"So how was prison, Stan", Dipper asked jokingly.

"Yeah Stan, Did you have to shower with anyone? You know soap is really valuable there cause all the inmates stink. I hope you didn't drop any" Mabel remarked.

"Still better sitting through the rest of that opening. What, did you get sawed in half again? Y'know, it's more fun behind a locked door. Ahahhaa, Ahahahaa!" Grunkle Stan laughed and slapped his knee. "It's funny cause someone get's hurt!"

Mabel turned to her brother. "Hey, weren't you locked in that room when I saved you with a glow thingy?"

He turned bright red at that remark. "It was a lot more dangerous in the dark" Dipper defended. "But yeah, who locked me in there? It's almost like they wanted me gone."

"Aww, I bet it was just Pacifica! Didn't she say she wanted to lock you into a dark room with her?"

"The first part. Just the first part"

But just a few streets away, someone wearing a black cloak opened the door to the pit below Southwest Estate. The shadow walked down the stairs holding a candle and at the bottom, inspected the stone shards that once were the bank' protector.

"Hm. Looks like he didn't take car of my 'lil' problem' for me" It sighed in a distinguishable southern accent.

It took off it's hood, and Gideon kicked a stone chunk. "Oh well, no harm done. I s'pose I should just be glad I came in here before they did; They mighta taken the only valuable thing here" he thought and took out a journal with a familiar looking 6 fingered hand on it, unlabeled.

The tiny magician flipped through it's pages and set down the candle. "Don't you worry, my peach." He said as he took out a picture of Mabel running towards her brother at the party. He stopped at a page and smiled. "I've gotta way for us to be together now." And Dipper was immediately burned out of the picture, Mabel still trying to reach him.

1 18-1-2-2-9, 1 13-5-3-8-1-14-9-3-1-12 5-14-7-9-14-5-5-18 1-14-4 1 19-3-9-5-14-20-9-19-20 23-1-12-11 9-14-20-15 1 20-18-1-16. 20-8-5-18-5 9-19 14-15 10-15-11-5.

* * *

Thx for reading everyone who made it thus far! I know I've been using Judah a lot, but I promise to include more characters and focus a bit more on Mabel and Dipper's relationship. I do have an overall plan for this series, so stay tuned and find out. Reviews are very appreciated. Bye!

One more cipher: 20-9-6-13-16-15-22 8-7-26-13 7-9-18-22-23 24-12-14-22-23-2 12-13-24-22. 19-22 20-12-7 16-18-24-16-22-23 12-6-7 26-20-26-18-13 21-12-9 7-9-2-18-13-20 7-12 6-8-22 26-13 12-5-22-9 8-18-1-22-23 20-6-13 26-8 26 11-9-12-11, 25-6-7 26-7 15-22-26-8-7 18-7 18-8-13'7 8-6-25-7-15-22.


	5. Dipper's Guide: The Reappear

_The camera blinks on, to a dim street. there is no illumination but the moon. There is nothing around but boarded up apartment buildings, and other abandoned buildings. A stop sign is missing from its pole next to several car parts and their metal bodies on cider blocks, and spray paint covers much of the pavement. Static obscures the screen for a second to reveal a boy with tired looking eyes and a backwards facing cap with a pine tree on it._

"Welcome to Dipper's guide to the unexplained #12, 'the reappear" He hold up a cardboard sign, then tosses it away.

"So we've been hearing lately from a reliable source about a strange figure that seems to randomly appear and disappear at night like a ghost, in this part of town." He says.

The camera is shifted over to Mabel's face.

"And by "reliable source, he means Wendy." She teases.

"Well yeah, so what?" Flustered, Dipper jerks the camera back and hands it to her.

"Well" she tries not to grin too much. "It's just that you would believe juuust about anything she says."

"W-what? No I would'nt. and to be fair, you're more gullible than I am, I could tell you a unicorn was right behind you and you would believe me."

"Wait, there is?" He ignores his sister as she darts around looking for the horse. "Anyway, the reappear is usually hanging around in this street, where it would be gone before you're sure it was even there." More static blurs the screen and cuts to Mabel standing next to a wall with writing tagged on it.

" _Weiners._ Hm, I wonder what is with people and wieners these days? I think they spelled it wrong, too."

"Mabel, look!" Dipper's voice urged her suddenly. "It's here!"

"No way, you're tricking me again. Unless you got a unicorn."

"No really, look!" He twists the camera to a streetlight that was flickering on on its own. under the it was a tall, lean hooded figure standing underneath. As soon as the light darkened, the person vanished, and all the light around seemed to leave as well, leaving no trace but some distinct clicking, like a bug's mandibles in the inky blackness.

"Oh my gosh!" Dipper gasped "Mabel, did you see that!?" He turned the screen to face her.

"Yeah, I think so. Usually only you stay up late enough to start seeing things."

Dipper rubbed his eyes. "Mabel, this is serious, come on!"

The screen cuts to Dipper lust a bit farther down the street. He whips his head around.

"Ugh, what happened to it!? It was right there, where did it go? Maybe we just saw something."

"I don't know, it seemed pretty real to me. Or maybe it was another hologram. Like that tram."

"Oh yeah, It could be, that would explain why it only appears in the light, but it didn't glow or anything." Dipper points out. "Plus I think McGucket has everything he's been looking for"

"Yeah, but you know him. Could want to freak some people out to have these old buildings for himself. I know I would, and I would make this place _magical_ " Mabel's eyes widen.

Dipper laughs. "You would cover this place with smile dip"

She playfully punches his arm."Well, what's wrong with that?"

Suddenly, a light flicks on, and the figure reappears, and as soon as it does, It vanishes.

"What the- look!" The hooded person is lit up under a streetlight on the other side of the street, closer to them this time, the twins scream as the figure's head is tilted as if observing them, reaching out but is gone when the light flickers out.

"Aaah!"The twins scream and run behind an alley. Sticking close to the wall, they slowly inch towards it. Dipper looks at the camera anxiously.

"Okay, I'm pretty sure that was real."

"Get closer.", Mabel whispers.

"Shhh" Dipper shushes her. He creeps closer and peers around the post with camera close behind. But nothing but worn concrete and bent re bars sticking out like flowers scattered around the pole.

"How could it get away so quickly?" The boy glanced through a chain link fence, but spying only a dead end. "I don't think it could have gone through here. What do you think, Mabel?"

"Ohh, he could be one of those purple nightcrawley things that can teleport places" She muses

"I don't think so. And you know those are only in _Amaze's the X-People_ Comics, right?"

"Okay, now I'm not sure if _you're_ getting that right, Brosef." She says skeptically. "It could just be a tall guy that doesn't like the dark."

"Or another colony of ants, like your first 'boyfriend'" Dipper suggests.

"Ew, don't remind me. Sometimes I can still feel their _little hands"_ She freezes suddenly as the lights turn on one by one out of nowhere with the sound _Bang! Bang! Bang!, even_ closer to them this time, and a rhythmic clicking following closely like laughing.

"Mabel, run,!" They dash down the street, and the camera dips down at their feet, and then lolls behind them. The lights behind buzz on and off as the one in front of them turn on and off in succession to reveal the Mysterious hooded figure materializing under each one, closing in on the siblings.

"Dipper, what do we do!?" Mabel pants

"I don't know" He pulls out his journal and flips through the pages. "Lepretaurs, geometric demons, jersey devil- There's nothing here on it!" He stows it back and slows down. Mabel focuses the camera on dipper."Let's just go back before It-" The hooded figure comes out of nowhere behind him when the streetlight they're under flicks on with a click, and the two of them scream.

"AAAHHHHH!"

And in their frenzy to get away the camera falls with a crash and blacks out at the feet of the thing.

When it turns back on, it is in the back of a car, and the twins are heaved into it, and the car door slams shut. A shadow passes over, and the car starts moving .After it turns back on, Dipper and Mabel are asleep, and light in the car sputters on and off to illuminate a long fingered hand on the steering wheel that becomes nothing when the shadows pass over, the only the sound is the engine and a series of clicks, like the flicking of a light switch. The car passes over a speed bump. Again the screen goes to static, to see Dipper and Mabel carried out and leaned against each other by a tall hooded person outside the mystery shop. Then, the person rings the doorbell, and as the porch light goes out, the person disappears into thin air.

"What? who's there?" A gruff voice calls from inside. "I swear if it's you family insurence salesmen, I don't got any-" Grunkle Stan's silhouette passes behind the door, and he opens it. "-Kids!" He looks around.

"Eh, I guess I better take em' inside. Don't want this place to become the hobo shop. Actually, now that I think about it..." Stan slings the twins over his shoulders while thinking about how to extort lower- income people, and then the camera turns off with a click.

* * *

 _Hello, this mini-chapter was written by the co-author my twin brother. Want to say thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, we take time to go through all of them and we love looking at your feedback. We have a few more lighter chapters coming up, and pig things planned for this series. Until next time!_

 **4-15-14'20 10-21-4-7-5 1 2-15-15-11 2-25 9-20'19 3-15-22-5-18, 2-21-20 2-5 23-1-18-25 15-6 9-20-19 3-15-14-20-5-14-20-19**


	6. I Sewer You're Going

Mabel and her brother slowly came to. They were exiting a musty, dirty car that reeked of dirty dealings and had been put to sleep and blindfolded an hour earlier. The twins opened their eyes to an old man holding a burlap bag smiling at them.

"Kids, welcome to Gravity central park!" Stan greeted. "Get up you two, there's been more unconscious people in this car than I can remember."

This was not how Dipper and Mabel expected their day to go. One minute, they were eating special "Stancakes" before blacking out and waking up now.

They looked around at the park they were in. Compared to the scenery back home in Oregon, this seemed more like an urban jungle than anything. Nevertheless, there were many occupants, runners, cops and people walking their pets.

"Grunkle Stan, what are we doing here? I thought you hated nature" Dipper complained while his sister yawned.

"Boy, this 'park' as the town people call it barely qualifies as nature. There're more lampposts than trees and I think that creek is just the city's sewer above ground." He looked at their confused, sleepy faces and sighed.

"Look kids, I've been thinking. You two are only here for the summer, and we've barely had any interaction since you got here. So, we're going to have a day to bond."

"Is this going to be anything like our last 'bonding session'?" They all thought back to an incident a week earlier where Stan was teaching them to steal tires from cars. The crime had earned them a night in a gang hideout and Mabel had become pen pals with the mob boss.

"Oooh, that reminds me, he's getting married! Now should I get him a blender or a human foot? He needs a blender but I feel a foot is more _personal._ "

"C'mon, It'll be fun! Just us, the park and these baseballs to play catch with." He beckoned to the bag. "Here, catch!" Stan yelled as he threw one at Dipper.

The projectile hit him in the stomach and fell to the ground with a hard THUD.

"UFF! Grunkle Stan, what's in these baseballs?"

"Rocks. Regular baseball is too 'kid friendly' nowadays, and no family of mine is gonna play softball!" And Stan threw another rock

"Ow! This isn't how you play catch" he yelled while Stan threw more rocks at his nephew.

"You're right. You're supposed to catch them. Here you go, sweetie." Stan handed Mabel a dozen stones.

She grinned and started throwing rocks as well.

"Yeah, Dipper, get into the spirit! If you don't start throwing those rocks, you'll be penalized for being rude and bad sportsmanship" she said and threw another ball and hit his face.

"Ow!" He yelled and picked one up. "Alright, here we go, just aim and throw the rock. Just aim and.. ngh!" Dipper grunted and threw one of the projectiles.

The ball sailed over Mabel and hit a car before setting off it's alarm and landing on the sidewalk.

Dipper sharply inhaled and they all ran over to where the ball landed.

"Ok , remember what we learned. We were just walking through the park when suddenly, Bud Gleeful showed up with a baseball." He was cut off by a Brown dog sniffing the ball they had thrown.

"Awww, I think he likes it!" Mabel squealed and immediately kneeled next to it and began patting it's head.

"Ummm, Mabel? I don't think you should be petting someone else's-"

"Hey! What're you two dorks doing with my dog!" A familiarly angry voice yelled.

They turned around and Stan groaned and pinched his brow. The dog apparently belonged to the Southwests, Gravity Central's richest family.

"What seems to be the problem here?" asked a large built officer as he walked towards them with a dim looking deputy in tow.

"Sheriff Blubs, the Pines family were touching my dog!" She pointed angrily at them.

"What? He just went up to us while we were playing catch" Dipper explained.

"Yeah, I think he likes us. Do you like Mabel, boy?" she asked excitedly and it barked, tail wagging.

"Officers!" Pacifica started furiously.

The large officer chuckled delightfully. "Maybe if you country folk spent less time 'round animals they wouldn't think you were one a them!"

The two cops hooted in laughter and Stan looked like he was about to be charged with assualting a police offficer.

"Why I oughta-"

"Now you folks run along. Mr. Pines, remember you have a restraining order on anyone in the Southwest family"

So, the Pines left the park with Pacifica smirking at them as they left.

"Ugh, why does Pacifica have to always make things hard for us?" Dipper wondered.

"Kid, the Northwests have been nothing but a pain in my hairy neck since I moved here. It's what they're all like. How about we go TP their mansion to bond instead? What'dya say Mabel? Mabel?" Stan was looking at his niece who had a very determined look on her face.

"Grunkle Stan, I've decided. I want a pet" She said to her uncle.

"Why? We've already got you two. Ha!" Stan chortled and slapped his knee.

"I'm not gonna let Pacifica have a better pet than me, and those jerky officers can bite a rock. I say we go buy a pet for revenge purposes."

"Buying something spitefully expensive in order to feel better than someone? Sounds great! But I'm not going to have some freeloading, non-rent paying animal live under my roof if it isn't related to me."

"Just get her the pet. Last time, she wanted to be hunter and dressed me up as a deer when our parents wouldn't let her go to the forest." Dipper shuddered at the horrifying 8 hours he spent avoiding Mabel's hand knit nets and traps.

"A deer person, eh? That sounds like a great scam! I'll call it, 'Deerper' and charge people for drawing art of him" Stan pondered deviously.

"I'll dress him up if you do get me a pet" she offered.

"Deal!" And the two walked towards the shady district of town with a reluctant Dipper following.

* * *

The shop was cramped and noisy with a vast array animals in cages lining the walls. Even so, Mabel skipped in and started browsing the selection.

"Hey there folks, anythin I can help you with?" The trio was approached by an old gentleman wearing suspenders and a barbershop quartet hat.

"Yeah, we want an animal, and uh" Stan leaned in close to the man's ear. "Preferably something that doesn't live too long, y'know? Don't want anything living longer than I do."

"Well, sure we got all kindsa animals here. Live animals, dead animals, part animals. I even got some kinda bearded man-witch" The farmer said, pointing to Old man McGucket who was in a cage laughing.

"Adopt me! I'll make sure ta keep ya awake at night! Hehehehahahaa!" McGucket cackled as he rattled the bars of his unlocked cage.

They looked around the shop and saw many strange things. Along with cats and turtles, there were even things that looked like frogfish or large eagle owls with human-like shrieks.

Dipper browsed some of the stranger things, making mental notes as he went.

"Hey what's that?" Mabel pointed to a large cage at the back of the shop.

Inside was a massive crocodile, 8 feet curled into the relatively small cage and a scar over one eye. It stared at the brunette boy, breathing quietly.

"Wow, I wrestled one of these! I got disqualified for using an illegal choke hold. Those darn rednecks don't know what they were talking about" Stan growled.

"This'n? This here's evisceratey, I found her in the ole sewer river down at the park. Forgot why I named 'er that. Welp, time for feedin time." The creepy farmer man said and pulled out a small pig from a box.

Mabel gasped at the sight of the mini swine. It was chubby and pink with a spot over one eye and staring innocently at her.

"Oh no" Her brother said behind her.

Mabel walked up to the Farmer man, now trying to open the cage lock.

"Sir, I must have this pig." She told him, picking up the tiny hog sitting on top of the cage. The little pig snorted and licked her chin affectionately. Meanwhile, the croc stared hungrily from below.

"Well, it ain't gonna be much use as croc food unless you buy the croc."

"Yeah, yeah. Just give us the pig and let's go." Stan interrupted.

"Well, I dunno why you'd want just the pig, but here you go, ole fifteen-poundy."

"What is that, his weight?"

"It's how much he costs."

Stan turned to his grandniece and nephew. "Good news, kids! If the money isn't in American, it's free!"

He then proceeded to pull out a fistful of smile dip and blew the powder into his face, blinding the man and sending him into a hallucinogenic rage.

"Run kids! Run faster than the speed of law!" Yelled Stan, as all three ran out of the shop leaving the owner tearing off his shirt and rolling around, knocking over cages.

Unbeknownst to them, a rolling hallucinating man hit the crocodile cage, knocking the unlatched door open. The cages inhabitant slithered free through the back of the shop, hungry and on the loose.

* * *

That night, everyone in the Shop was settling in. Mabel was laying on her bed staring at her pig and Dipper just finished being fitted for a deer costume.

"Hey Dippity-Dop, what should I name my new pig?" She asked her twin who was now checking himself for blue hoof.

"I don't know. How about 'The reason Dipper now has to register in a deer population census?"

"Nah too long." She thought and looked at it's stubby little legs.

"Waddles!" She exclaimed. "I call him that cause he waddles."

"Mabel, do you feel, I dunno, concerned about that guy whose shop we wrecked? I feel like a lot of his cages weren't locked."

"I'm concerned for my health." She picked the pig up and held it's hooves. "Cuz I think I have Swine Flue!"

"Mabel this is serious. I really think we should-"

"Bap!" She poked him with one of Waddles hooves.

"Mabel-"

"Boop!"

"Mab-"

"Boop!"

She continued to poke her brother's face with the pig's stubby appendages into submission. Just then, Stan walked in with the burlap bag again.

"Alright kids, drop whatever it is you're doing. Whatever weird, weird thing you're doing" Stan said staring at the twins. Mabel smiled and stopped harassing her brother.

"We're going back to the park to try this 'bonding thing' again. Get your things."

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I've had this really weird feeling since we left the pet store. I think we should go back."

"There's nothing out there your Grunkle Stan can't handle. Besides, I've also got a bunch of these illegally rock filled balls."

"Yeah Dipper, Stan's wrestled crocodiles! Besides, now I can take Waddles on a walk."

Stan and Mabel walked out of the door of the room and Dipper followed anxiously. The feeling in his stomach had not gone away, and he couldn't help feel as if it was coming from the pipes.

* * *

The Gravity Central park was busy with children playing, joggers jogging and an old man trying playing catch with his nephew.

"Kid, I know you aren't good at sports but can you at least try throwing one back" Stan asked.

Dipper picked up a ball and strained to throw it, just falling short of Stan and landing in the grass.

"Isn't there some better way to bond, Grunkle Stan? I feel like something's broken" Dipper complained.

"Kid, there's nothing broken but your spirit and we don't need that to work to play. Professional players don't. Now let's try again. You're using your arm too much, try stepping forward when you throw, it helps" His uncle advised.

Dipper picked up a heavy sports ball and tried again, this time winding up and leaning forward as he threw. The ball sailed over his uncle and hit a passing bicyclist.

"Ow! Who threw that?!" He yelled angrily.

"I... I did it! I threw that ball!" Dipper yelled proudly.

"Yeah yeah, good job kid. If the cop's come around, no you didn't. Now let's try again without breaking any laws or windows."

Meanwhile, a young brown haired girl was getting ice cream with her pig near the sewer pipe the creek ran from.

"You stay here Waddles. I'm going to get us some ice cream with sprinkles and glitter" She told her pet.

She set the pig down onto a bench which sat happily near the river shore.

"Hey, do you have pentagrahams?"

But a distance away, something was watching from under the river's murky water. It peered over the waterline with a single, reptilian eye, staring at it's prey.

Waddles curiously watched the creek from it's place on the bench. He hopped down from the bench and trotted over to the waterfront. Just beneath the surface, it waited.

Then, all at once, the crocodile burst out of the water, snapping and narrowly missing it's would-be prey. Waddles squealed in terror and ran towards the sewer entrance, the lizard in pursuit.

"Waddles!?" Mabel instantly turned around dropping her triple scoops of ice cream. She had turned around just in time to see her pig disappear into the darkness and the crocodile crawling in after it.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Mabel screamed, running through the park panicking.

"Mabel, what's wrong?" Dipper and Stan had stopped their game to check on Mabel.

"AAHHHHHH!"

"Mabel-"

"It took Waddles!"

"What happened?"

She took her Dipper's collar, slapping him three times.

"Calm down, man! We need. to stay. CALM!" She finally put him down and explained.

"Me and Waddles were getting ice cream by the river, and this big lizard thing jumped out and chased Waddles into the sewer!"

"What?! We need to get the police, or animal control or... whatever it is that eats crocodiles"

Grunkle Stan shook his head. "Kid, the officers you saw were pretty much the entire police force. They wouldn't be able to get rid of hippies from a job office"

"We can't just sit by! There's a dangerous monster in there with my pig and either you two come with me, or I'm going in by myself."

Before anyone could respond, the squeals from the pipe echoed again from the tunnels. Mabel spun towards the sound and ran into the lightless system.

"Waddles, I'm coming!"

"Mabel, wait!" Her brother called after her.

And with that, they chased after Mabel into the dark.

* * *

The sewer was dark and as expected, smelled like... well, you know. Small noises and large figures crawled in the shadow, just beyond the reach of Mabel's dim _Fun Hazard_ which had sustained it's light for three days using Mabel's happiness.

"Waddles! Waddles, where are you!" Mabel shouted through the tunnels.

"Do you guys feel like something's watching you? I think this is the only place in Gravity Central with worse health hazards then the Shop" Dipper commented, skirting around various dark patches in the sewer fluid.

"Hey, that's not true! One year, I bought some monkey from Africa with a disease to get the dirty kale-munchers off my back. Turns out it had some deadly, blood transmitted disease that proceeded to spread worldwide and kill people. I forgot what it was called, but I think some magical sports player has it now."

The trio trudged through the sewers, keeping a close eye out for anything that looked like it moved or wasn't moving anymore.. Dipper shuddered at the thought that they were wading through things so horrible that they didn't meet Stan's standards as items for the Shop. Stan, who had once sold a dead body to a man, calling it a 'sleeping zombie' and got $100 dollars for it.

Then, he started noticing the shapes in the water. The dark patches had smaller spots attached to them... No, they were limbs.

"Hey guys, take a look at this."

He took out his flashlight from his bag and shined it into the water, and everyone took a step back from what was under the surface.

A massive turtle, almost 6 feet in diameter was resting just under foot. It's claws were the size of catcher's mitts and it's head looked like it could snap off heads. The peak of it's back was just under the waterline, and while not moving, it twitched periodically indicating it was alive.

"Whoah! How'd it get so big?" Mabel wondered.

"I've never seen anything like it! I thought that reptiles in the sewer was just a myth, like $2 dollar bills and happy marriage! Hey, I can sell these. I'll call it 'Journey: The Mysterious Craphole!'" Stan announced.

"I wonder how they got so big. There must be some kind of anomaly down here or-"

"REEEEEET!"

A familiar squeal of terror echoed through the tunnels and Mabel's head snapped back towards the noise.

"Come on, he's in trouble!" Mabel and Stan ran down the passage and around a corner, but Dipper unfortunately tripped over a turtle before stumbling on.

"Mabel? Stan? Where are you!" He shouted.

"In here!"

He passed the turn and froze at the sight of his uncle and sister in front of a monster. The crocodile was gargantuan, almost half as thick as the sewer's diameter and rose taller than Stan. However, the scar over it's eye identified it as the same one from the pet store, and it had cornered Waddles beneath an open manhole cover.

Dipper hurriedly took out his journal, and flipped to a familiar he had been thinking of since encountering the turtles. He stopped and read aloud to himself.

" _Size enhancing crystals: During my studies in Gravity Central, I've found a most peculiar substance in the sewer system. As my investigation has lead me, I have come to discover that the sewer system is built into an underground river from the strange part of town I've been investigating thus far. The river is fed from a cave system that grows special salts that, with prolonged ingestion, causes extreme growth in size and strength. Still too gross to try. Weaknesses: Nothing, stay out of sewers"_

"Hey you! Get away from my pig, you outdated apex predator!" His sister shouted.

It turned around to look at the small, yet larger morsel challenging it. It growled, plodding towards her. Then, a heavy ball smacked into it's snout.

It turned towards it's new offender, now throwing more rocks, allowing his niece to run past the creature.

"Come at me ugly, let's play hardball! Raaaggggh!" Stan dropped the bag and jumped onto it's snout and it began flailing around, trying to shake off it's unwanted rider.

Dipper ran around the reptile, jumping over it's claws and narrowly avoiding it's swinging tail. He rejoined Mabel who was now holding her pig with joy.

Stan held tight to the thing's jaw and yelled, "No scaly skinned monster is going harass these kids but me!"

Mabel started climbing up the ladder, Dipper close behind.

"Stan, come on! We have to go!"

"Just a second, kids! I think I'm in an illegal hold!" The crocodile had the man in it's mouth staring into it's throat, barely able to keep it from closing.

"Dipper, we have to help him!"

"I know, I know I'm thinking!" He looked around and found a single ball. He picked it up and steadied his breathing. He winded up, stepped forward and threw, straight into the single, functioning eye of the croc.

Blinded, even for a second, Stan was able to push backwards out of it's mouth, letting it close with a SNAP! He picked up his fez which had fallen off and ran to the manhole ladder.

Disoriented, the monster was unable to catch any of them on their way out, narrowly missing Stan's leg before Mabel shut the lid of the manhole.

They all breathed heavily at their experience, catching their breath. Waddles was safe, and they were alive, but shaken.

"Yes! Mammals are still better than reptiles!" Stan punched into the air.

He looked at his exhausted family and stopped.

"What, too soon?"

:::::::::::::::::::::::

NZNNZOH ZIV HSZNNZOH! HFKKLIG GSV IVKGLRW KZIGB RM GZPRMT LEVI BLFI KZGSVGRX HKVXRVH KOZMVG, ZMW YVXLNV Z HSZKVHSRUGVI GLWZB! ULI NLIV RMULINZGRLM, XLMGZXG BLFI OLXZO KLORGRXZO URTFIVH LI YZXPBZIW ORAZIWH.

* * *

Hope y'all enjoyed it, had a couple issues with this one but I like how it turned out. Going to start adding vigenere ciphers at the end of my chapters and releasing the key at the next . Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the weird stuff I have planned.

23-12-9 7-7-13-17-8-8 7-18-3-5-9-2 19-10 11-23-9 10-18-25-24-25-12-9-10-23-23 1-26-1-16 5-8-26-9-9 17-9 18-15-16-19-14-20-8 11-18 16-9-18-11-9 11-11-9 18-22-8-24


	7. A Cult Classic

"Wow! I can't believe they let the waitresses here roller skate" Mabel exclaimed. "If I ever decide to get a job, this'll definitely be my 2nd choice behind dictator."

Lazy Susan's _1950's themed 70's diner with 60's music_ was packed that afternoon with patrons from all over Gravity central. Dan the construction worker was sitting at the bar drinking a glass of malt shake with a lumberjack's breakfast and Susan was trying to get the jukebox to work by hitting it. Officer Blubs was helping his deputy, Durland, color in a paper place mat maze as servers zoomed across the checkered floor on wheeled shoes.

"Yes, this establishment is certainly nice" Gideon commented. "My daddy insured this place against electrical fires a year ago and they ran into a little _accident_ a while back. Now I get some benefits as a result."

The two had just finished a meal together, and evidence of multiple sugary drinks were littered on Mabel's side. This was their 3rd time out, having gone to the movies, the park (Not Mabel's first choice) and now, Gideon had a small surprise in store for her. He had entrusted it to the owner and was hoping it would come soon.

"Well, I'm glad that happened. Say, what're we waiting for? I promised Dipper that we would hang out today."

"Don't you ever get tired of your brother? Maybe wish for him to, I dunno, disappear?" The chubby little boy asked deviously.

"What? Nah, course not! He's my twin bro. Kinda like having a second me but with boy stuff instead of girl stuff and dork stuff instead of fun stuff"

Just then, lazy Susan walked up to their table with an envelope, placing it on the table in between them.

"You cutie pies are so good together! I could just eat you two up!" Lazy Susan told them before walking away.

"Cutie pies? Now what was that lady talking about?" Mabel gave a weird smile towards the old hostess.

"Now that's just the thing Mabel; There's been a lil' question lil' ol me has been wantin to ask you." He patted the envelope in front of her and smiled at her.

She looked at him quizzically and she had a small feeling of apprehension in her stomach while reaching for the note. Mabel tore open the parcel and started to read the message out loud.

"Dear peach dumpling," she read, her smile slowly falling. "How would you like to make us official and be my..." She trailed off and looked up at his expectant face, awaiting an answer.

"Ummm look, Gideon." The inexperienced girl searched for an easy way to tell him while tucking the note into her pocket. "I really like you, but..."

"So you accept?" He finished hopefully.

"No, it's just that-"

"Why be a dictator when you can be my queen? We could be together. _Forever_." Gideon put his hand over Mabel's and she nervously pulled it back.

"I'm sorry. I don't think I'll have time for a, umm. Boyfriend." She winced inside at how that sounded.

"You seem to have time for your brother"

"Yeah, but that's different. Dipper and me always hang out together."

"So you don't want to be together?"

"NO! I mean, yes! I mean, maybe as friends"

Luckily, a loud car honk was heard from outside, instantly ruining the meals of many of the patrons. Mabel breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hey I gotta go but maybe we could pick this up again in like a non-datey way." She began to inch towards the edge of the seat. Gideon watched her begin to leave and thought back to an idea he had arranged if he ever decided to use it. And now, he decided, it was time. This had happened too many times now.

"It's okay, I completely understand. Forget this ever happened." He still had a forced smile on his face containing his disappointment.

Mabel looked as if a massive burden had been lifted off her shoulders and made her way towards the exit.

"Oh, and Mabel?" He called as she stopped to look back.

"If you or your brother ever get stuck on any games, make sure to check the back of the machine" He advised.

"Okay, sure!" And with that, she was gone out the door and into her Grunkle's car.

* * *

After parking perpendicular to a handicapped space, they arrived at the Gravity Central arcade.

"This is it kids, the shadiest place in town for kids! It's like having a casino for children" Stan announced, leading his kids through the sticky floor.

The establishment itself was brightly lit and alive with flashing lights coming from the games. A large variety of people manned each station, and Dipper noticed a familiar bald man who stooped behind a machine. A light flashes, and he was gone but it wasn't a big deal. This was like the third time this happened.

"Back in my day, we didn't have your fancy computer phones, or home entertainment systems or color TVs"

"Psst! How old do you think Stan is" Dipper asked his sister, who shrugged.

"This is where the most talented losers of society can spend money to win at games, yet still lose to corporation. Hey Soos" He greeted while walking by.

"Hey Mr. Pines!" The handyman returned and went back to his oddly intensive game of pinball.

"They got all the classics: Pica-Man, Moral Combat" He stopped at a blue machine with a small red clad pixel character jumping around.

"And who could forget Commie Kong? You get to play as a Russian carpenter who has to rescue his mail order bride from the evil clutches of-"

"A gorrilla, Stan?" Dipper guessed.

"Capitalism. Then you play through 22 levels so you can inevitably die anyway like the soviet union" His Grunkle finished. "But that isn't even the best one" he continued, walking past the machine to the final one at the back of the store.

"Oh no, he's using his scamming voice."

"Behold!" He presented a large game, just like the ones before but had the name _DragonDragon_ faded on the top.

"What is that? And is was everything old blurry?" Mabel squinted at the screen.

"I used to play this game all the time! The games all about two brothers who go out and fight gang members to win some girl" He reminisced fondly.

"Did you ever win this game, Stan?"

"Course not kid! That final boss's impossible to beat without another person or cheating. Welp, I need to take the car into the shop for an oil change. Here's a dollar, you kids hang around here while I leave you unattended." He gave them a 1$ each and ran outside, tires screeching two seconds later.

"So, what to do with an entire Dollar?" Mabel wondered, holding the crumpled bill up.

"Hey dudes!" Wendy and Robbie had come out of nowhere and startled Dipper into a fluster.

"Uhhh hey, whatsup Wendy? And umm Robbie." He tried to contain the amount of nervous sweat and general tween boyishness he was exerting.

"Hey, Mabel and Dipper! Check out what I got you." Robbie handed out a small jar of Maple syrup and a cup of Dippin' commas.

"Oh my gosh, Robbie, that's so lame!" The redhead laughed.

"So what brings you two lovebirds here?" Mabel grinned suggestively while her brother died inside slightly.

"We hang out here all the time. We were just about to try dancey pants revolution, you guys want to join?" She offered.

"No, I couldn't possibly interrupt your time together. But Dipper can." She pushed him towards the couple, who led a betrayed looking 12 year old to the flashing pads.

Mabel stood up straight, completely pleased with herself. "There's no way that can go wrong, this was a good idea" she smiled.

That's when she noticed a dark coat and a familiar color of hair tucked into a black baseball hat at the _Sugar High_ machine, a game about candy based planes and machines that flew in a race.

"Don't I know her?" Mabel squinted and looked closer at her subject. "Oh hey, I do! Hey, Pacifica!"

The covered figure gave a small reaction and returned to her game trying to ignore her observer.

"Hey Pacifica! Pacifica Southwest!" People were now turning heads to see what the yelling was about. " I'm associating myself with you! Pacifi-" The figure finally turned around to put it's hand over her mouth and dragged her into a nearby cleaning supply room but hardly anyone noticed.

Pacifica took off her hat and glared angrily at her unveiler.

"What do you think you're doing, you idiot!?" She hissed.

"Hey, it is you! What's with the weirdly suspicious disguise?"

"That's none of your business! Anyway, now I have to leave before I'm seen or someone sees me with you." The heiress crossed her arms and sneered.

"We just met up though, and I love Sugar High! One game and if I win, you tell me why you're being all secret-y"

"Not a chance"

"Ok, how about If you win, you I won't tell anyone you like poor people games. And you get a servant" She added.

"And If you win?"

"Then me and Dipper hang around you for a day. Deal?" Mabel held out her hand.

She shook it reluctantly. "Whatever. It's not like I have a choice."

"That's just as good as agreeing! Let's go!" Mabel took her hand and ran out of the closet, dragging an immediately regretful blonde with her.

* * *

Meanwhile, an old car was had burst onto the freeway from an entrance, completely disregarding turn signals on the empty road and skidding across the lanes, speeding even more so than usual.

Stan checked the time. 2:58 pm. He still had time before it happened, he had to get there before it was too late!

The Cadillac ran down the street like a devil, only a few miles from the mechanics. He checked the time again, now 2:59.

"No no no no no, I have to get there soon or-" he stopped the car to a screeching halt behind a sea of cars, packed in an unmovable mass, stuck only half a mile from the autoshop.

"No, this can't be happening. I can still take service street, its not too late." He tried backing up as quickly as possible to the nearest exit but the time had changed again. It was 3:00 and rush hour had begun.

In a single instance hundreds of cars rushed in through the entrances and vehicles appeared out of nowhere to surround Stan and in a few seconds, his car was buried in an ocean with no way out.

"Grrrrr... CURSE YOU RUSH HOUR TRAFIIIIIIC!" Stan screamed into the air amidst the honking of angry drivers.

* * *

Back at the arcade, Mabel and Pacifica were playing at the _Sugar High_ game, racing down the Grand Twix stage. Pacifica was playing as Toffanee (A dark skinned British girl) was leading on a plane made of brittle. She was followed by Trixie Treats, Caramaline, and Mabel in last playing as Charlotte Chip in a rocket made of pop rocks (Predictably named The _Pop Rocket)._

"Looks like I'm gonna win" The blonde told her competitor with a smirk.

"Nope! I've got a little trick up my sweater" Mabel replied.

"Hah! Sounds like someone's about to lose."

"Not a chance!" Then, Mabel mashed a series of nonsensical buttons she had found on the back of the machine before playing causing her rocket to crash into a building.

"What are you doing? That's just tragic." She gaped at the seemingly sweet girl who had just caused an act of terrorism in the virtual candyland.

"Just watch."

A few seconds later as Pacifica's plane was about to cross the finish line, _The Pop Rocket_ reappeared in front of it, winning the game.

She looked in shock at the screen congradulation and pointed angrily to her opponent. "Hey, you cheated!"

"That doesn't matter. What's important, is that we can spend the rest of the day together!" Mabel smiled.

Then, her brother walked in with a mixture of dejection and gawkiness on his face.

"Hey Dippin dots!"

"Don't call me that." he muttered.

"What happened? I thought you'd have a lot of fun hanging out with Wendy?" his sister asked.

"Robbie found a code to unlock a 'slow dance' setting on the machine. I mean, how does that even make sense? Who would program a couple's song into what's supposed to be a single player game?"

"Aww, that's too bad. But guess what?" She stepped back to reveal the girl behind her. "We get to hang out with Pacifica for the rest for the day!"

"What?! Mabel, did she blackmail you?"

"Uhhh, try the opposite." The blonde rolled her eyes. "I lost a rigged bet and now I have to stay with you two dorks for the rest of the day."

"C'mon you two! It'll be fun. Let's try one of those old man games Stan was talking about." Mabel pulled each by their hands towards the machine in the back, ignoring their numerous objections.

The _Dragon_ _Dragon_ machine was still there, art of the fighters on the side and pixelated lights flashing from it's screen. Apparently, the game featured the Jitsu brothers, Ty and Jude whose girlfriend gets kidnapped by a gang. 8 bit music played, and Dipper had the usual weirdness radar go off in his stomach.

"Hey Mabel? Do you feel something weird or cursed about this? I feel like every time we try to do something normal, It's interrupted by some demon, or cursed object."

"Oh yeah, good point. You go check the journal and see if this thing is going to come alive and eat us or something."

Pacifica was looking confused. Again. The twins ended up being stranger than she thought..

"What are you talking about? What journal?"

"Oh, yeah we forgot to tell you. Me and Dipper found this creepy book in the supernatural part of town and now we encounter monsters and weird stuff like every week." She turned to her brother. "So, you find any evidence this thing might kill us?"

"No, there's nothing here about cursed games. Should be safe." Dipper flipped through the pages some more and shut the book.

"Ok! Well, you two go play since I'm out of money. I'm going to to check on something." And with that ambiguous statement, she left her brother and kind-of friend to start the game while she bounced to the back of the machine.

Both players tried as hard as they could to just focus on the game while awkwardly avoiding eye contact. The only noises heard were the sounds of punches and kicks from the screen as gang members were being beaten into submission and the pair advanced through the levels. Finally, Dipper decided to break the silence.

"So what is it you're doing in this arcade anyway? I thought you didn't like being around people like us."

It was hard to tell her reaction since she seemed to only focus on the screen as they advanced another few levels. "Well, it's not like I have a lot of places to go. Sometimes I have to be out, you know? It gets boring in the Southwest Penthouse."

"I thought you could just buy happiness from other people" he said out loud. Crap. It sounded a lot less insensitive in his head, but she actually laughed. Hmm. She was surprisingly more pleasant when she was happy. And her laugh was nice at least.

"A girl can't spend all her time indoors. Besides, these games are a lot more fun than playing by myself on a console."

"Maybe we can come over sometime" he offered, but before she could respond, they had hit the boss of the level, a muscular dark skinned man with a Mohawk.

The players focused back on the fight but none of the attacks worked on the sprite and were rapidly losing health. Then, Mabel appeared.

"Hey you guys! Guess what I just found?"

"Umm Mabel?" Dipper replied. "We're in the middle of a really important match."

"Yeah, and we're losing" Pacifica added.

"That's just it, I found this cool code on the back of the machine you can activate whenever." She held up a slip of paper from it's hiding spot in the recess of the machine.

"Mabel, we're not going to cheat" he objected. Then, his character died from a punch from the thing

"Alright, let's cheat."

"Cheat, cheat, cheat!" They chanted and entered the code through Dipper's side.

As soon as the final button was pushed into the controller, the game froze. A small sliver of health remand in the player 2 side, and the system was suspended as if time stopped. Even the blocky music had stopped.

"Hey, what's wrong with this thing? Come on, start working!" She kicked the machine and the screen went white. A few seconds later, the a flash of light engulfed all three of them and they disappeared into the game.

* * *

At the same time, Stan was stuck in something worse. Traffic. He had been stuck there for 2 hours in the same spot listening to annoying radio and reading The Gravity Central Tabloids. The Southwests had gotten some new worker to diversify their staff or something.

Then, he began to notice the shouting. Stan rolled down his window to see people getting out of their cars and shoving each other in the spaces between cars.

"Hey, what's going on?"

An angry looking truck driver turned to his car on his way into a riot. "We're all tired of waiting in this road! I have my daughter's cello recital to go to before she goes to med school!"

"A riot? Well that sounds like fun!" Stan got out of his car to join the ensuing chaos when the cops arrived on motorcycles to break up the fights.

"All of you civilians need to stand down! Stand down before we are required to use force!" The police shouted through a megaphone. "Stand down or you will all be a lot of trouble!"

"Well you're about to be in a lot of PAIN!" Stan punched the poor officer in the stomach who fell to the ground gasping for backup.

"Yeah, now you're getting it!" a voice shouted from the crowd

"Everyone do what he's doing!" another voice was yelling.

Suddenly, the old man had an idea. He picked up the cop's megaphone and climbed onto his car.

"My name is Stanford Pines! I know not the mysterious ways of the traffic, but we must abide by it's will!" A large crowd had formed around his car, and listening to his every word. "If we are to get out there is only one way to salvation!"

"Amen!" The crowd rejoiced and some even started punching each other for no apparent reason.

"We must riot, violently! Join the church of Stantology I just made up for 200 dollars and you can fight against popo with me!" He raised a fist and the crowd went into a frenzy, throwing money at their "savior".

As more police came in on motor bikes and even the riot police appeared, people began to flip over cars and push back the authority while Stan laughed maniacally from atop his Cadillac.

"Yes! Yes my mob, fight in the name of bad traffic! Ahahahaha!"

* * *

At the arcade, the twins were stuck in the game. They had been teleported into the final boss fight, with Pacifica nowhere to be seen. Luckily, being completely used to this kind of thing by now, and the fact that Dipper figured this would happen, they weren't too surprised. Mabel had only narrowly avoided being squashed, but now her brother was being chased around by the unnamed villain.

"Dipper, eat a mushroom! I saw this work somewhere, you'll become super buff!"

"Ahh!" The boss's fist cracked the wall he was backed up against only a moment earlier. "Mushrooms don't do that Mabel, Stan taught us that needles do!"

"Dipper, watch out!"

Unfortunately, Dipper was now backed against the edge of the screen with the computer now advancing. He looked around and blindly reached into an oil drum as his attacker prepared to finish him. His hands felt around and gripped a hard metal object.

 _Bang!_

The next moment, his assailant was on the ground bleeding from a square shaped hole in his chest, coughing up red pixels.

"Tell my daughter... I did it to put her through Med school. And tell my son to be strong, for his mother" it gasped dramatically and died. It's body flickered out of existence with a cheerful _Ping!_ and a the number 1000 appeared where his body was. An automated voice cheerfully announced, "Congratulations, you have won! You are a winner!"

"Did you know he could talk?" Dipper asked.

"Nope, but I do know this is like your second time offing a colored person."

"They weren't even human!"

"That's prejudice talking, bro. Now come on, I think I know where Pacifica went."

The kids walked to the edge of the screen, and entered the next stage where the blonde girl was waiting, arms crossed. Despite that, she looked slightly relieved to see them, although a bit angry.

"There you are! Where've you been? " She interrogated.

"Pacifica, there'll be plenty of time to answer all your questions once we're out of here." And as if on cue, the the world around them began to flicker just like the enemy. They all became pixels which flew into the computer generated sky.

Moments later, they re-materialized outside the _Dragon_ _Dragon_ box. Dipper rubbed his head and the girls groaned while the voice was asking if they wanted to play again.

"Ugh. What just happened? If I don't get some answers that make sense I'm suing you two!" The heiress stood up indignantly.

"Don't worry, this stuff happens all the time. Maybe we can talk about it next time we hang out?" Mabel suggested hopefully.

"Are you kidding me!? After this? I'll be lucky to even get out now if they find out!" Pacifica immediately regretted saying it.

"Wait who? If who will find out?" Dipper asked. She walked over to the back wall and sat down, knees tucked in.

"It's my parents. You want to know why I was in a disguise today? I can't leave the estate without their permission. They don't know I was out here and if they knew what happened today, I'd be grounded until I left for college."

"But why? Why would they do that?"

"They don't want their 'precious little girl' to get in trouble. If I ever made a bad impression in public, It would ruin the Southwest name. Other than that, they don't care about what I do."

Mabel and Dipper sat down next to her, feeling bad for the fun they use to have at her expense, thinking it was fine because she was rich.

"I guess I've just felt... captive. I've been a jerk to you guys because I'm afraid to make friends. I'm afraid they'll hate me for never being able to spend time with them or my parents won't let me."

"It doesn't have to be like this. We can hang out with you whenever you break out" Dipper offered.

"Yeah, or we can break into your house."

The troubled girl smiled at them and got up. "I should probably get back before my parents notice I'm missing." She began to walk with the usual confidence she had towards the exit. The mystery twins smiled at each other, pleased.

"Oh, and guys?"

They turned back to her, who was at the exit.

"If anyone asks, then I still hate you two. But let's hang out again, Okay? Today was actually a lot of fun." And she was gone, leaving the kids alone.

"Well, now that that's settled." Mabel turned around and kicked the machine as hard as she could. "Die machine, Die!"

"Yeah, speaking of which, how'd you know to check behind the machine?"

"Gideon told me to. Hey, wait a minute." She pulled out the cheat slip of paper she found and the letter Gideon had given her earlier. "I recognize this handwriting! He set us up! Where is he?"

She circled around the machine and caught her pudgy friend watching from behind it.

"Oh, um, hello Mabel." He waved nervously at her, looking embarrassed.

"Gideon, what the heck?! We could have died in there!"

"No of course not! If Pacifica wasn't involved, only your brother would've been fighting and you would've been the captive" He instantly began sweating bullets and pulling at his collar.

"Wait, so you planned for Dipper to die?"

"It was the only way! You didn't have time for a boyfriend so if you had some more time then we could have..."

"So you tried to kill my brother just so I could have time for you?"

"And you appreciate the gesture?"

"No way, you psycho! We are never going to date. Come on Broseff, we're leaving." She beckoned for her brother and left the tiny magician there.

"You'll regret this!" Gideon yelled. "You'll rue the day you turned me down!"

"You're a butt!" she shouted back as she left the arcade with Dipper to walk home.

* * *

"Uff! Hey, what's the big idea?!"

Stan was being arrested, again, in the middle of the now dispersing freeway. During the two hours since he formed his legion of disciples, he had risen to power over the immobile drivers. He had even started a campaign to make the freeway holy ground and tax exempt, and would almost succeeded in starting a movement to Washington. Unfortunately, the time changed to 7:00 and rush hour was over. Every single angry driver immediately became sensible and drove off to their destinations, leaving Stan to be arrested by the left over riot police. He was pushed up against the hood of a car and being handcuffed by a very angry cop with a bruise on his stomach.

"Stanford Pines, you are under arrest for rioting, theft, assaulting an officer, and starting a destructive cult.

"Stantology was not a cult!"

"Sir, you were using people's unhappiness to get money."

"Oh sure, when I do it, it's a cult but when charities do it, everyone gets up to applaud" He complained as he was being shoved into a police car.

He sighed in the back of the car. "This is just like yesterday's rush hour."

:::::::::::::::

 **A TLJTMD ZUTWW TUX AFGOA AG CBFATS QMFZ WUXB JCA EWM TUX VLASCJ TNQ LWNYRC HHWRK-IA**

Last Chapter's Key: Deerper

Thanks for reading once again, I hope you liked this one. A bit late due to finals, but going to try to release a couple more soon to make up for it. Will still use this system of releasing the key the next chapter until I find a better method. Most of the time, the key will be some made up word. See you next time, happy holidays!


	8. Unnatural Disasters

On a warm summer morning in Gravity Central, Dipper and Mabel sat on the steps that led into the Mystery Shop, watching as their Grunkle stan was swindling another huge crowd of tourists. The twins were used to seeing the gullible city folk get reeled into scams, but not at this magnitude. Stan was standing at the curb, on a raised podium with a shoebox by his side. As the crowd congregated before him, He adjusted his bowtie and cleared his throat.

The crowd of people died down and turned to him.

"Good morning, everybody! I'm Stan Pines, 'man of mystery!'" There was a dead silence, with the exception of a cough from one of the townsfolk.

"Please, contain your excitement!" He smiled and gestured for the noiseless crowd to be quiet. "As you all know, our beloved city of Gravity Central lays on a series of fault lines, so we get a lot of earthquakes, causing hundreds of dollars in damage and opening sinkholes all over the place."

They murmured to each other, but didn't get to what he was pointing to.

"But what you don't know is that _one hundred percent_ of them can be prevented."

Looks of inquiry came from the crowd, not sure of this supposed statistic.

"That's right, you can, by giving me fifteen-er, twenty dollars a day, you can prevent earthquakes from coming to your town!"

Lazy Susan stepped forward. "But wait, we can just get earthquake insurance from Bud Gleeful Insurance!"

"Yeah, he says, 'fifteen dollars there can save you fifteen minutes of work!'" Tyler Cutebiker yelled.

They all started yelling and throwing things.

"Hey, hey!" Stan ducked as a shoe sailed over his head. "Alright, but think about this: how many earthquakes have you gotten since you got earthquake insurance?"

The crowd reluctantly mumbled various numbers of quakes they've experienced.

"A lot, right? And how many earthquakes have we gotten with earthquake prevention so far? _None_."

Dipper turned to his sister. "Does Grunkle Stan know how statistics work?" Mabel just shrugged.

"But if you still don't believe me, you can consult our earthquake expert: Quakey the Snakey!"

He stepped aside to reveal soos shuffling forward in a shoddily made snake costume stitched together from old sweaters.

"Only you can prevent Earthquakes, Dawg!"

The crowd started cheering and rushed towards the podium.

"I'll do anything for an animal mascot!"

"I want to prevent earthquakes!"

"I'm not sure, but herd mentality pressures me to do the same!"

Everyone was clamoring to get their money in the box and to take pictures with Quakey the Snakey. With the box full of cash, Stan broke away from the mob and opened the door inside, and the twins followed.

"Grunkle Stan, are you sure that was ethical? You know, telling people this money will go to stopping earthquakes?" Mabel asked him.

"Yeah, I think that's sort of embezzlement." Dipper put in.

He set the box down and began to count the bills.

"Look, kids. Nature is for everyone. So therefore I can use it for whatever scams I want. It doesn't matter if it's 'ethical' or 'legal'. And if I can get these suckers to cough up some dough using natural disasters, there is no one and nothing that can stop me." The con artist was alerted by a sudden folksy music from outside.

"What the heck?" The strumming of a ukelele and the pungent smell of strange herbs permeated the shop, and the hiss off a car's brakes was heard.

"What-what is this?" Stan burst out the door to find a van with an air-sprayed mural on it's side. A young man in a black shirt and beanie was sitting on the roof of the van with the ukelele and other college-age students filed out, sporting tie-dyed shirts, bead necklaces and various costumes. Stan's eyes darted around to take in this new site.

"Rainbow clothing? The stench of musk?"

The guy on the roof of the car strummed some chords on the ukulele.

" _Everything should be legalized_

 _all my shirt are so tie dyed."_

"Country music!? Who are you people!?" Stan yelled.

"We're warriors against the corporations, man!"

"What?"

Seeing he wasn't getting it, Dipper tapped his shoulder. "Grunkle Stan, those are hippies,They're usually just liberal protesters and college drop outs. We have a bunch of them in Oregon."

"Yeah, they're like homeless people, but happy." Mabel lit up. "I love those shirts! They're like rainbows on fabric!"

"That's beautiful." All the Hippies nodded in approval. "We're here to spread peace and community to people, and we're gonna do it colorfully.", The ukulele hippie said.

"What you're _spreading_ is driving away the tourists!" Stan fumed. And sure enough, the dense rabble of townspeople had started to scatter when they caught whiff of the newcomer's unwashed... _everything_.

Stan, too recoiled at the stench. "Agh! I want you nature-communing freaks out of here!"

"Hey man, It's our right to be here, The county's free, dude!" A female hippy objected.

Another wearing branches in his hair and brown body paint came out of the van to join them.

"Yeah, we're here, we're deer, get used to it!"

The twins and Soos looked to each other uneasily. It wouldn't be out of character if Stan got out the crossbow at this point.

"Look, look. I like rights as much as the next guy", Stan assured. "I like them so much, in fact, I take them from people to have more!"

The hippie with the ukulele came forward. "Come on city dude, we're just spreading freedom to the people." The others started to cheer. "Starting with the freeing of animals!" They whooped and ran past Stan to grab Soos, still in his Snake costume.

"Hey, that's my handyman!" The swindler objected.

"You can't oppress this creature! He is a discriminated snake-man!" More shouts of approval from the hippies.

"Uh, actually dude, I really am just a guy in a suit." Soos rustled in the cheap disguise.

"Shh" The Hippie shushed him. "That's just what they tell you. Be free!" They insisted on continuing to "liberate" the confused 22-year old.

"Alright, that's enough!" Stan was getting infuriated. "I don't care about your stupid movements, and I don't care about what animals you're letting loose!"

"You're heartless, old man! Do you know how many animals they killed to make your fascist products?"

"No, but I want to find out how many hippies it takes to tie-dye my house red!" The two were nose-to-nose now, and were on the brink of a street brawl.

"Ok, boys, let's break this off." Mabel laughed shakily as she pushed them apart.

The hippie softened a bit. "Fine.", He said. Come on dudes, let's go to the old part of town and protest!"

"Yeah, let's go protest!.

"Then we'll find out what to protest about!"

After leading Soos back into the Shop, Dipper helped drag their grunkle back inside as the radical reformers rolled away in their van. Grumbling, he retired for the day than risk assault charges.

* * *

- **Q** uebec-

* * *

The next day Dipper was woken by a sudden scream. He quickly shook Mabel awake and they hurried outside to where the cry was coming from. On the street Stan was on his knees in front of the Shop's front, which was splattered in a myriad of painfully bright colors. Somebody had also put Waddles outside, and it was freaking him out.

"Waddles!" Mabel frantically chased her confused pig around in circles before he could run into a gun range or chinese restaurant.

"I guess now we know how many hippies it takes to tie-dye a house.", Dipper said dryly.

"Those darn tree huggers!" Stan slammed his fist into the shop wall. Standing to face his great-nephew, he began pacing back and forth."They came in the middle of the night. Those deadbeats tie-dyed the shop, "freed" the pig, and startled Soos!"

"It was like a break-in, but with musical instruments instead of guns and neckties instead of ski masks.", Soos shuddered.

"You know what? I'm gonna go give those punks a piece of my non-organic fist!"

Stopping him before he can storm off to do just that, Dipper said, "Grunkle Stan, I don't think that's such a good idea."

Mabel had caught then Waddles and reminded him, "Yeah, remember when you got in a fight at the pool house? They wouldn't let you out of the house for a week!"

"I m know. Had to pay for the cue removal surgery." He grudgingly recalled. "But something's still got to be done about them!"

"Ok how about this." Dipper suggested. "We go and talk to the hippies about this. If they're like the ones at home, we'll really just need to talk to them. And maybe use a spray bottle."

The shop owner considered for a moment. "Alright, but take Soos with you. I got to go harvest some stuff for the 'no questions asked' friday sale."

Mabel pumped her fist. "Yes! I hope we get to see if they have those magic mushrooms I hear about 'round town."

"I don't think they're magic, Mabel." Dipper advised.

The weird part of town was, as usual, ominous in a sort of post-apocalyptic wasteland kind of way. All the buildings were deserted, and because of the weak building codes,many buildings overlapped into each other to create back alleys and even solid bridges of steel beams lapsing across apartment complexes. The whole area was essentially an unfinished ghost town with a few too many real ghosts.

The trio pulled into a parking lot that, for the most part was empty with the exception of the rickety van their peace-loving protesters had parked in a corner covered in landfill. Soos was still in his Quakey the Snakey costume because Stan had originally wanted to do some more earthquake prevention ads today. While leaving the mystery cart, a noise resonated in a sort of angry growl, and the ground began to shudder. Soon, it was erratically shaking, cracking and breaking.

"Earthquake!" Dipper screamed.

Soos enclosed himself over his two charges to shield them. The pavement depressed into a shallow crater in front of them. The twins and Soos waited for aftershocks, but none came. It was like the entire ground had come and passed, almost... _Alive._

"Is everyone ok?" They looked around, and dusted themselves off, thankfully ok. With caution, the three headed to where the hippies had set up for the night.

They had made the place look like a beach camp, with a bonfire, bins where clothes were washed in a few dozen dyes and the group in a circle tapping drums and plucking various instruments. The van was open, and inside the back was the leader,with the ukulele.

Mabel was quick to take in the sparkly trinkets.

"Hey, Coriander, tap me a rhythm, yeah?" The Hippie started to play on his miniature guitar

And even better-or worse-, when Mabel entered the van, she found they had a big, heaping stash of-

"Smile dip!" Her eyes expanded in elation at the banned treat.

"Oh no" Dipper reached out to stop her but tripped over some beads laying on the floor.

When the hippie noticed him, he looked up with a smile and stopped playing.

"Oh. Hey city dude, snake-bro and dudette, what brins you here?"

Dipper stood up indignantly. "We want to know why you released our pig and painted the Mystery Shop!"

"And maybe get one of those really big spiral-y T-Shirts." Dipper shot Soos a look.

"Or not. _I'm a size XXL"_ He whispers.

"Look, little man, we did what was right! Now that shop will have better _feng shui,_ and that pig deserves to be free, like all of us."

"Look, can you just apologize to my uncle or something? He's really mad about it."

"Now hold on brosef." Mabel was still somehow standing up after digging through four packs of smile dip. "I like how these guys do stuff! Just look at how worry-free they are."

The hippie grins. "This little lady's got the right idea, man!"

"Don't encourage her."

"Look" He put down his ukulele. "I don't like getting in fights. It's just not what I do. And I can respect if the geezer doesn't roll like we do. But how about we show you a little of our life, and you can make the judgement after, cool?"

"Dude, I think we should do it. I am getting good vibes and bad smells from this guy." Soos says to Dipper.

Hesitating a second, the preteen decided. "Yeah, sure. But you still got to do something about the shop."

"Alright, that flies with me, bro! Here, let me introduce to you the gang."

He ducked out of the van, and Soos and the twins followed.

"First, I'm Matt. That over there-" He points to the girl- "is Acacia,",Coriander, and he-" Matt looks to the man in body paint and fake antlers- "is Elch."

Coriander was stoking the flames of the fire and was stirring a pot of stew with his drumsticks.

He used a seashell to scoop out a little to have a taste- test.

"Aah. Tastes like how your Grandpa made it" He says to Elch.

"Hey, isn't that beef? I thought you guys said meat was murder", Dipper pointed out the swirling brown chunks.

"No, Man! that's tofu." He replied.

Acacia poured a bowl for everyone and added some scraps of newspaper to the fire. "Yeah, we don't eat meat. We also don't eat gluten, GMOs and we're vegan.

Soos scratched his head. "Hold on, aren't like, a bunch of plants modified and animals are in basically everything? How do you guys, you know, survive?"

"We do it by avoiding grains, corn, hormone-treated products,and anything that doesn't explicitly say 'vegan' on it."

"By doing so, we make a difference!"

"Yeah!"

After finishing off the strange-tasting stew, they were more or less full, and continued to learn about their host's radical beliefs.

"So what do you guys protest for, anyway?" Mabel asked.

It was Elch that answered. "Right now, we're trying to keep the native species from being wiped out!

"Native species?" Dipper and Mabel looked at each other. How does a city have a native species?

"Yeah. they're like moles, that live in the caverns and sinkholes, burrowing to make their homes."

Acacia held up a sign attached to a post that read _Save the Moles_ and showed it to the siblings.

"Even though we haven't seen them, we know they're there. It's like I can _sense_ them"

"They're huge and can turn dirt into clay, or glass.

Soos shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, uh, speaking of which I'm _sensing_ those magic mushrooms not agreeing with me!" A bit awkwardly, the handyman shuffled towards an unfinished building at the other end of the lot.

Turning to back to the activists, Dipper started his usual set of questions for people that can sense things.

"So, Amber-"

"Acacia!"

He cleared his throat.

"Right. Acacia, you said you can sense the moles, right?"

"Yeah"

"When you say that, what do you mean? Like, would you describe it as more like brainwaves, magic, or maybe a sixth sense sort of thing?" He clicked his pen, waiting.

"I don't know, it's sort of like, I just _know_ when they're around. Or well- You know! I commune with nature."

"I just mean like describe it-"

"Jeez, what is she, on trial?" Elch broke in. "This is what kids raised under the system become like: always on our case, doesn't have any faith,-"

"Ok, Ok!" Coriander gave a weak laugh. That's enough."

"Well, I don't know about you, Dipper but I can have faith in stuff! Right, Matt!?"

Matt returned a smile and a high five. "You know it."

Dipper looked at his sister. "Mabel, the last time you started to believe you could sense things it turned out to just be your allergies!"

"How do you know?"

"Because mine acted up too!"

"Oh yeah." The two simultaneously sneezed.

"You know, I think you just need to hear some good music to get you to be a believer!"

"Not really feeling for singing, and I'm pretty sure they aren't either" Acacia said flatly.

Dipper sniffed. "Where's Soos? He should be back by now."

"Maybe he got stuck in one of the outhouses. Like The one Grunkle Stan did that one time.

Coriander burst into giggles. "Man, your uncle got stuck in one of those? Reminds me of when we we were at a music festival, right, and me and some friends, we tipped went and tipped over-"His story was cut short by an enormous rumble.

"What's happening?"

"It's a quake!" The earth beneath them formed veins of cracks, snaking towards them. Pieces fell one by one, and was swallowed into a seemingly bottomless abyss below.

Dipper grabbed Mabel and leaped off of a collapsing platform. The pair risked a glance down at the concrete, dirt, stone- all tumbling into the jaws of the widening pit. They backed away, with the hippies alongside. Near the end of the convulsions, Dipper saw something red and slimy pour down, and _across_ the gap in the hole.

"Mabel, Look!" She got a small glimpse of it as it disappeared with everything else. And then finally, it stopped.

Matt had his arms out, and legs set wide as he tried to keep balance and distribute his weight.

"Ok, Everyone! We got to get to somewhere there isn't- Aaaughh!" He was cut off when the foundation under him fell, and soon, everyone fell down, too.

They landed in the bottom of the sinkhole with the hot remnants of the campfire and musical instruments alongside

"Is everybody alright?" Dipper coughed and looked around for his twin.

Acacia was the first to answer.

"No! We just fell into a cave ! How would we be okay!?"

"Hey, calm down, Ac." Elch helped her to her feet.

When they had all gotten up and brushed themselves off, they took a look at the room they were in. It was an enormous pit, half in an underground cave and half in an incomplete basement, the opening too high to reach. Covering the hole was a polished, dark material, as if someone had melted and polished the walls to refract light to make a sort of faint reverse disco ball in the space around them.

"Ok, I think we're under the apartments." Coriander blatantly stated. That much was obvious. But it did not seem like a natural occurence. The walls on the undug side were somewhat smoothed, and there were no stalagmites. It was almost as though the whole cavity was sisolved through. Examining the sides, Dipper was struck with a jolt.

"Soos!"

Soos was glad the quake happened after he went, or he might have had a very messy situation. It began when he had just about gotten his suit back on, and scared the living daylights out of him. The factotum had fallen several feet into a hollow in the ground. When he had opened his eyes, faint, slightly reflective surfaces stared back. He sat up and surveyed the area for his friends.

"Hello?" His voice echoed. He was underground, in a dark space with a gaping window above but only had a dark corridor in front, which seemed suspiciously burrowed by something.

"Anybody here? Dudes?" Soos then noticed a scarlet stain all over the suit. Fearing for the worst, he felt for cuts- before realizing it was just paint that was to be used in the construction site the porta-potty was in. With only one way to go, He inched his way through the tunnel, still unable to shake the feeling that he wasn't really alone.

* * *

- **U** niform- **A** lpha-

* * *

The Group was walking down the roughly excavated passage, searching for a way up.

"I'm _crawling underground_

 _losing it in the blackness_

 _a lot of creepy sounds_

 _I will soon be gone to madness"_

Acacia grabbed the neck of Matt's ukulele before he could do another depressing verse. "Dude, that's not helping."

"Well, what else could we do?" Matt asked her.

"I don't know. Just don't sing, It's weird to do it down here."

So they trudged along in silence, the sound of crunching becoming more audible with every step.

It became louder as the tunnel widened. Eventually they found a large cavity littered with holes, and more of the ground was bored smooth than not.

"What are these things?" Dipper cracked a shard under his foot, and took a piece to examine. it seemed to be soil, just put into a single piece.

"Maybe it's the shell of a giant mole egg!"Mabel pipped up.

"I don't know." Coriander twisted a piece around. "I don't think moles usually do this, but I have never seen one myself, either. Acacia, you sense any of 'em down here?"

"Umm, no. And yeah, I think moles do this. All the time."

Quickly, Elch spoke up.

"Can we just get out of here? Smells like barf, and I honestly know that smell a little too well."

He adjusted his crooked horns, and by now his body paint was replaced with mud.

Despite his protest, they hung out a little bit longer though, and sat down for a rest. As they did, Dipper took the chance to talk to his sister.

"Mabel, do you think there's something wrong with that hippie girl?"

"You mean other than she isn't yours? Ay-oh!"

He quickly shushed her. "No, I mean she's being suspicious. I think she's hiding something, and that Elch guy knows it!""

"Who knows, brosef. I think she's just a mole enthusiast."

"No, Mabel. I'm pretty confident that _this-"_ he takes out the glassy soil from earlier.-"can not come from a Mole!"

As he was trying to decipher the hippie's shady behavior, a speck of dirt fell on his nose. Then another. And soon the hollow they were in started to be lined with moving bulges, creating mounds in the walls, ceiling and floor like sharks with fins out of the water. They all clustered together, unsure of whether they should run, wait or what.

"It's ok", Matt said. "They're just Moles, one of nature's creatures. See, that one's just about to come out and greet us."

A dirt mound burst open, spraying the glassy substance everywhere. But from inside was not a mole. In its place was a giant red worm, writhing and spitting a yellow liquid randomly.

"AAH!" Mabel pulled Dipper away towards a tunnel as a worm spit acid inches from his feet, turning the dirt into a chemical-fused lava, which solidified quickly to glass. They ran way through the nearest corridor. Around the next bend the Pines twins ducked to find themselves in an abandoned room with a network of pipes sprawled through it. The rusty pipes were very old, still leaking water and the instruments on the wall were ancient.

"Ok, worm, worm, worm… Ah! The mongolian death worm! _A burrowing creature that can go through sand easily, and terraform territories effortlessly. They can spit a corrosive acid, and spend most of their time underground. Because of this, I believe they may be evolved to be blind, however be very careful if you encounter one. WEAKNESS: ?_

"Dipper, what do we do? Don't you have like, monster repellant or something?!"

"Shhh!" A worm was burrowing only feet away under the linoleum.

They watched in quiet paralysis as it indecisively went back and forth, and eventually left towards the sound of water dripping on the asphalt. They managed to breath a sigh of relief.

Wait, where were the others?

* * *

- **K** ilo- **E** cho-

* * *

Soos wasn't having the best time. The smell was getting unbearable, but he was starting to get used to it. Luckily, the shop employee eventually found, past a door labeled "Emergancy exit", more strange tunnels, but seemed to lead a bit more upwards..

"Alright, Soos", He chided himself. "You can find your way out of this. Just find familiar things. Suddenly he heard a chilling _Ssssstthh_ of a slithering body behind him. He turned around to find several monsters poised behind him.

"AAAHHHH!"

* * *

- **Y** ankey-

* * *

Dipper and Mabel burst through a steam pressure room, presumably for the apartment complex above decades ago. They didn't know where to go, they needed to warn the hippies about the the worm's weakness.

Panting, Mabel looked around. "Dipper, how are we going to beat those things? And what if they got those poor dropouts? Or Soos?"

"Come on Mabel, we just have to find those guys before they do anything to attract the worms."

As if on cue, a piercing wail behind the wall made them flinch, and they turned to each other.

"Acacia."

Together, they hefted up a heavy monkey wrench and tore through the old drywall to find the rest of the group , cornered by the death worms. Coriander and Matt were on the sides, and Elch was putting himself between the worms and Acacia.

"Guys!" They turned to them, and with a rush, they came inside to the concrete room, narrowly missing a volley of acid. But they were worms were finding their way in, sensing their prey close by. And blocked the only exit. Desperately, Elch used the wrench to bat away a glob acid, but it melted to an sizzling goo.

"Any Ideas?" Coriander thumbed his drumsticks nervously.

"Well, we found out they're blind, but not deaf!"

"How's that going to help us?" Acacia blurted.

"Wait!" Matt grabbed his ukulele." Maybe we can use music to charm them!"

"That may not be such a good idea-" Dipper began to warn them, but to no avail. They all took their instruments, and started to play.

" _do-do-do-do-do-do-do_

 _Everything should be legalized_

 _My Tshirts are all tie-dyed_

 _Take down all the corporations_

 _rich should give to poor_

 _Assimilate every nation_

 _We can end every War._

 _do-do-do-do-do-do"_

Strangely enough, the worms were slightly swaying, as if entranced.

Mabel gasped "I think It's working. The power of music reigns supreme."

"d _o-do-do-do-Aaagh!"_ Matt stumbled back as his ukulele was melted before him, and the worms continued to advance, destroying the instruments with almost a personal hatred. Dipper and Mabel held tight to each other, fearing for their lives.

"I'm sorry." Out of nowhere, Acacia spoke. "I'm sorry guys. This is my fault."

Matt tried to give a reassuring look. "Hey, it wasn't your idea to sing. Probably should've taken music in college rather than quantum mechanics."

"No, I mean… " She turned to them. "I've been lying all his time. I'm not a true activist. I always just pretended like I was in harmony with everything. Now karma is punishing you guys along with me. The real reason I joined you guys is because… because of elch. I'm sorry." Her eyes couldn't meet his.

Elch whispered to her, "I know." and held her was a silence. The worms had found their way over, rearing their heads to spit.

"Well Dipper, at least Waddles will survive to carry on my legacy"

"Not helping, Mabel."

"STOP!"

They opened their eyes. The death worms had stopped attacking, and left. Something else approached, even larger and red, a serpent that was… baby-like?"

"Soos?" Mabel dared.

"Sup, dudes?" The friendly handyman showed his face to reveal a wide grin and a familiar figure.

"Soos!"

"Big dude!" They gave him a hug before realizing his costume was not originally red.

"Soos, what happened to you exactly?" Dipper brushed off bits of the flimsy disguise.

He thought for a moment. "So I used the toilet near the construction site, but then the ground, like split open and ate me. I walked down looking for you guys, met those worms, did some cool hissing sounds and stuff, and _Boom_ , I'm their king." He looked over his shoulder, and back. "Ok, dudes, I want to get out of here, cause those things freak me _out_." Nobody objected to that, and using a building map, they finally found their way out. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief when they saw the sun casting it's last rays befoer sundown. When they got back to the van, Matt sat in the back, eyes downcast.

"I'm sorry about your ukulele, Matt.", Mabel said.

"Aw, it's fine, man. All I really hoped is that you guys would learn something about us, you know? So everyone is closer together."

He noticed his friends packing up what they had, and piled in. Coriander took the wheel, while Elch and Acacia loaded into the back, not for a moment leaving each other's eyes.

The colorful van pulled away, leaving the trio to go back to the Mystery Shop with no hippies in tow. When they explained everything that happened, Stan just shrugged it off as another wild imaginative adventure of theirs.

Yet that night, A new tremor was still recorded. One longer, larger, and faster than Gravity Central had ever seen before. And at its epicenter a new sinkhole emerged.

 **Goauiw iuyc: Md uurdlokukow qjclv lyfjex, cmk bafil'j aifil uhoekf cinoc!**

* * *

 _Hello, it's the secret twin again with a new chapter! We''ll be using a new cipher system, as you see so we will not be releasing the cipher keys the chapter after._

 _Last chapter's key: STANTOLOGY_


	9. Proper Ettiquestrian

Wendy and Dipper were enjoying another regular day not working at work. They watched a muted screen of Stan bargaining-or more accurately, furiously arguing with a customer.

" _Hello there today my good chump, is there anything I can trick you into buying?_ "

" _I'd sure like a hand_."

" _Here you go!"_

The two burst into laughter from their dubbing of the T.V while Stan on-screen held up a single finger in a lewd gesture towards the man. While his crush began to settle down, Dipper whispered under his breath, "These moments give my life meaning".

"What was that?"

"Laughing! that was laughter." Dipper chuckled nervously, extremely conscious of how awkward he was at the moment.

"Aww, it's so nice what you two have" Mabel smiled behind them, hands behind her back.

"Mabel, were you-"

"Watching you watch people? Yes."

"Mabel, do you mind?"

"Ok, ok I'll let you have you have your special moment. Wink!" She not-so-discretely signaled her brother and left towards her room.

While Stan and the customer went into a fist fight in the background, Robbie walked in through the door on camera.

" _Hey, is this the anime store? I need to be around other one dimensional characters."_ Dipper mimicked while his crush elbowed him, snickering.

He looked at the pair laughing, and his omnipresent smile seemed to falter slightly. "Hey Wendy, I've been looking for you. So, there's this cool place downtown and I was thinking maybe we can go there?"

The girl rolled her eyes. "Ugh, this is the third date you've asked me on. Today."

"What!? I just have a lot of time today and hoped you could join me."

"It isn't just today, you always insist on going out whenever you think I'm going to hang out with another guy. You've been so clingy lately, it's annoying"

"I've umm... got nonspecific stuff to do. Over here" Dipper mumbled while backing towards the shop's back door. Then leaving it open enough to spy on the couple's dispute.

"I'm just worried, what if one of them tries to steal you from me?" He said, and Dipper thought he saw his eyes trail towards him.

She took a deep breath and faced her boyfriend.

"Look, your jealousy problem is unhealthy for you and I need some space. I think we should take some time off."

Dipper immediately backed away from the door jumping in joy. He might finally have a chance! He picked Waddles up to hug him before putting the swine down to continue watching.

"Just give it a chance, it'll be fun I promise" He reassured.

"You always say that, but it's smothering! I appreciate that you're attentive, but man, talk about overly attached."She crossed her arms and turned away.

Seeing she wasn't budging, he put one hand on hers and pulled out a small doll from his jacket pocket.

"Come on, I made you this panda thing myself." He pulled on a string and it chirped _"I love you!"_ in an automated voice. But something about the toy seemed extremely familiar.

Wendy loosened up a bit and smiled." You made this for me?" She took the hand stitched doll and held it.

"Yeah. I'm just kind of an artistic genius." He leaned back on the counter, pleased.

"Alright, I'll give you a chance, but this better not be something lame. Lemme go get my coat."

As she left, the two boys watched and a realization dawned on Dipper as to where he'd seen the doll before.

"Hey, wait a minute," He started, walking out from behind the shop door. "You didn't make that. I've seen people sell those cheap knock-off toys outside the shop when Stan's not around, you bought that right outside the shop!"

But just as he was realizing that thought and Wendy was out of sight, Robbie's typically kind expression contorted angrily and grabbed the preteen by the collar of his shirt, pulling him close.

"Listen you little punk, I know you've got a thing for my girl. Now, you can leave her alone and I'll leave your teeth intact" the much larger boy hissed.

"Huh? Wait I thought you were-" Dipper began to talk, but was shoved into a wall of cheap, pawn shop goods knocking over a vase and shattering it all over the floor.

"Nice? Yeah, how slow can you be? I've only put up with you and your annoying sister because Wendy likes you and I don't want to make a bad impression. "

Dipper struggled in Robbie's grip, confused that his seemingly perfect rival was much more malicious than he thought.

"Does she know you're lying to her?"

He scoffed at the boy's question. "So what? I've been keeping her on constant dates so you won't try anything dumb with her. Now, If I catch you anywhere near her, you're dead, kiddo."

Just then, Wendy walked back in through the employees only door. The goth teen instantly put his victim down and just as soon as it appeared, his angry expression was swapped with his usual polite disposition.

"Hey guys, is everything okay? I heard something break. What happened?"

"Oh Dipper here," Robbie lied, pulling the him close, much rougher than he would have liked. "Tripped and knocked over an urn. Luckily I caught him"

She seemed perfectly convinced with his answer. "Dude, you should be more careful" she replied, walking over to her date.

"Yeah, he should really _keep his hands off the merchandise_ " Robbie said meaningfully to Dipper and put an arm around Wendy's waist. He stared daggers at him and walked towards the door with her.

"So, do you like Chinese food? I know this really great sushi place we can go to."

* * *

 **P** apa **O** scar

* * *

The siblings were in their room discussing the events that had just happened in the shop. Dipper was explaining while pacing back and forth from either side of the floor while his sister played with Waddles, listening unconvinced.

"Ok, so one minute, he was just regular overly nice Robbie-" He began.

"Yep, the one who gives us snacks based on our names sometimes." Mabel replied.

"-And as soon as Wendy was gone, he goes nuts, like he was someone else."

"What?" She set down her pig on the floor. "You mean good Robbie? The perfect guy dating your crush? Well, I think your just jealous."

His face instantly turned bright red and turned to her yelling, "I'm not jealous!" Ok, he was a little jealous. Still doesn't change the fact that Robbie's a jerk. Dipper took a deep breath and calmed down.

"It's so weird... All this time he's been nice, I think it's only because Wendy was around. And I'm going to expose him for being a fraud."

"Mmmmmm I dunno. Maybe he was just playing rough. You can be kind of sensitive" she offered, feeding her pig a piece of candy.

"Mabel, he said if he caught me with her, I'd be dead! There's gotta be someway to show Wendy that he isn't as good as she thinks he is."

"Well that's gonna be hard. Up until now, I've kinda been ranking him above you on my good people chart." She grabbed a colorful, crayon drawn chart from behind her bed with a list of people around the shop.

"Look, here's him" she pointed to the smiley caricature of Robbie only third place to herself and Waddles. "And here's you!" She lowered her pointing finger to the bottom of the list where his name was recently crossed out and switched Pacifica's (with a heart drawn around them) and Stan under both.

"Why do you have that?"

"Anyway, the point is that you pretty much can't make him look bad without looking worse. I mean, he's basically established he's better than you, nicer, taller, oh and not to mention he's got a realistic chance with Wendy since he's actually her age-"

"Ok, you can stop now, this is starting to hurt my feelings." He stopped pacing and racked his brain on what to do.

"I need to take a walk. Maybe I'll think of something"

* * *

 **L** ima **I** ndia

* * *

Half an hour later, he was sitting on a fence in a destitute horse ranch downtown, in the abandoned supernatural part. He typically surrounded himself with supernatural unexplained phenomena when distressed because it felt a lot more normal than feelings. Dipper was chewing a pen when it suddenly occurred to him:

"I still haven't thought of anything" the preteen sighed to himself as a 4th pen broke in his mouth, and he threw it onto a small pile of destroyed accumulated writing utensils.

"Pteh! Not again." He stood up and began pacing and looking into the journal.

 _"_ Hmmmm. _"_ He thought while flipping through the journal. "Truth teeth? No, he doesn't wear dentures. Demons? He's probably friends with a few. Barf fairies...?" Dipper shut the book in defeat.

"Ugh, this is hopeless. Maybe Robbie and Wendy are just destined to be together." As he continued his monologue, an unusual horse with a horn on it's head trotted behind him, a few feet away.

"I mean, he can at least pretend to be nice. And I don't have the first clue about being a gentleman."

"Did someone say manners?" A falsetto voice asked behind him.

"What? Who said that?!" The boy spun around but only saw the horse grazing behind him.

"That was me, and it's really impolite to wear shoes into someone else's house." The voice was coming from the horse, who looked up at him with massive eyes wearing...makeup?

"Whoa, a real unicorn." He thought about what to say before asking. "Hey, do all horses have the ability to speak like in my sisters favorite TV show, or is that just unicorns?"

"Do all humans ask rude questions after not taking their shoes off in stranger's homes?" Dipper took off his shoes and set them next to a fence post.

"That's better. And no, not all horses can, that show is awful" It replied.

"Anyway, not to be rude, but did I summon you with some, I dunno, weird unicorn magic ritual? Mabel's been trying it for years and it never worked."

"I approached you because you were in my ranch, but I heard of your emotional issues. But let me introduce myself. I am Celestebellebethabelle, leader of the Femares."

"Fe- Wait what?"

"It's a portmanteau of female and mares, it makes a lot more sense written out than said. It's clever. Now please, lay down on my flank while I make some dandelion tea. It's not weird."

The unicorn lay down on the grassy field and Dipper sat down next to it. Cellestebellebethabelle produced tea cups and a kettle out of nowhere and set it down on the ground.

"Now tell me what's wrong."

The troubled youth rested his head and explained. "Well, I've got this girl I like-"

"Yes, yes, go on" Cellestebellebethabelle prompted while trying to brew the tea with hooves.

"-and she's dating this other guy whose actually a jerk-"

"Mhmm, yes." The equestrian nodded and knocked tried pouring the liquid, although more got into the ground than the cups.

"-and I'm starting to think it might be because I'm not good enough for her. Hey, you seem pretty well versed in ettiquette, do you think you can teach me to be more gentlemanly?

"Perhaps." It knocked over both teacups with it's hooves, spilling tea everywhere although it didn't seem to bother her. "Considering the tea has gone unbrewed, we will go now to talk to the rest of the Femares. Hop upon my back, mannerless child." The unicorn got up, and Dipper slowly climbed onto it's back.

"So, where are they? Are they in another ranch, or-"

"Now, we ride!" The unicorn reared back mightily and... Dipper fell off.

* * *

 **T** ango

* * *

A few minutes later, the two were racing through the city, warranting odd looks from the passerbys who weren't used to seeing boys ride unicorns during traffic hour. He struggled to hold on as they ran through the streets, and various litter was thrown into his face but somehow hadn't affected his carrier.

The duo continued to run through the city and began to approach a different barn on the other side. While they approached, Dipper saw they weren't slowing down, but speeding up. a few meters from the ranch enclosure, he screamed and braced himself as Cellestebellebethabelle jumped majestically over the fencing, launching her rider through the barn wall and landing into a bail of hay.

"Uhhhh..." He regained his bearings and looked up to see a barn full of brightly colored equestrian mammals, all staring back at him. Then looking away to avoid staring.

"Umm. Hello" he awkwardly waved, unsure of what to do. Luckily, Cellestebellabethabelle trotted in to save him from the social awkwardness that comes from bursting into people's houses.

"Femares, I present to you a mannerless child." She turned to him. "Allow us to have a discussion about whether we should help you." She joined the rest of the unicorns a the table before clearing her throat at Dipper.

"Oh, right." He turned around so as to not eavesdrop into their conversation. The horses lay around a tall tea table to talk over their decision while unsuccessfully trying to pour tea.

"So, should we help become a better person or not?" Their leader asked.

"He's a human, I don't like them. They come in, destroy roofs and wear shoes inside like they're manotaurs" one unicorn argued and knocking over the ceramic cup trying to pick it up.

"I say, why not. He's doing it for a girl he likes, and we might as well make one human less disgusting."

"There's no hope for them! It's like they were all born in barns."

All the members of the table quarrelled and talked over one another, spilling tea and breaking cups before suddenly stopping. Everyone at the table turned to him with a decision."We have reached a verdict. Upon further consideration, we have opted to deny your request."

"Oh." He was dissapointed, but thought for a second and came up with an idea. "Well, isn't it rude to turn away someone who needs help?"

There was a general discontent amongst the herd over this revelation as Dipper continued.

"Yeah, maybe you all just think I'm too difficult. Maybe you just don't have the _manners_ to do it."

Some small gasps were had in the crowd and the council quickly reconvened, murmuring quickly and knocking over tea accessories. After a few seconds, they faced him again with a new judgement.

"Upon further, further consideration, we have decided to teach you our secrets. The course begins now. But be warned, it will be rigorous and very uncomfortable."

"Yes! So, hey, what are we doing-"

"No, no, no. Hey is for humans." She shook her mane in disagreement. "Try again."

"Oh, um alright. What are we doing first?"

"Well, first use your indoor voice. Now, we go to a special place to test you."

Outside the ranch a hundred feet away, there was a small gopher looking hole in the ground labeled "The Waxing hole". The horses surrounded the hole and Dipper, who was wary to do as they asked.

"It is completely safe. Trust us, you're getting advice straight from the horse's mouth" one unicorn reassured him.

"Have you ever tried to put anything in here?" He asked hesitantly, looking into the dark pit.

"No, of course not. We aren't stupid. Some human put this here years ago to harvest our hair for whatever reason, but now we can use it to test your resolve."

"I'm kind of suspicious. Will it hurt?"

"We don't know, but it can't be that bad. It's not like you have much hair anyway. Now do it!"

"Do it! Do it! Do it!" The unicorns began chanting around him and he slowly put his hand in to the black cavity in the ground.

Shortly after, a high pitched scream could be heard over the treetops near the ranch.

Having proven his worth, the band had accepted him as their own, and so began the long and grueling process that comes with making a polite member of society. The Femares put him through numerous trials through the hours: the strength to open doors for others, the mental concentration of having to listen to someone at a table and feigning interest, and for whatever reason, stacking books on his head. And in one short afternoon, the training montage was over.

Finally, the time had come. The unicorns had Dipper in a clearing just outside of the ranch wearing a suit and tie, waiting for someone to arrive that they had invited. But it wasn't going to be the one he expected.

"The time has come, child. Are you ready for the final test to become a gentleman?" Cellestebellabethabelle asked him.

"I'm ready, for whatever it takes!" The horses in the inner circle cheered congratulating him.

"So, what is this final test anyway? Do I go on a date with Wendy, or ask her out?" He asked, straightening his tie.

"Not quite."

"Hey dork!" A certain emo teenager yelled, entering the clearing. "I got your weird invite, what kind of freak puts a 'fight me' invitation in a shoe, then throws it into my window? And what's with the tie-dyed horses, you playing fairy princess or something?"

"Wha-Robbie?! You inited Robbie?!" Dipper turned to Cellestebellebethabelle in shock.

"Yes, human, we invited the one you call 'Robbie'. This is the final test to prove your dedication. You must fight him to the death!" She pushed him into the clearing with his rival and surrounded both of them, closing off any escape and creating a boxing type ring.

"What does this have anything to do with etiquette?! Didn't we just spend the last two hours balancing tea cups and learning boring conversation?"

"The most romantic thing you can do for a lady is to fight to the death for her. Now go!" The unicorns went into a frenzy, rearing back, throwing tea cups and some began playing rave music with their horns to encourage them.

"Tear him limb from limb!"

"Kill him!"

"Neigh! I mean, also kill him!"

Robbie looked at him panicked. "Hey, I don't know what your trying to pull here, but every time you're around, some stupid thing with - I dunno, magic rhino horses or clay video game characters happens that almost kills me." He struggled to put words together, as he tried to make sense of his situation. "I'm leaving."

Robbie made his way towards the ring of equestrian fury, but they pulled him in and pushed him back into the ring in front of Dipper tied up.

"Prove your loyalty, boy." Cellestebellebethabelle handed him a knife; not something he expected a unicorn to be carrying around. "End him, and you will become the true gentleman Wendy needs."

Dipper took the knife, and looked at his beaten opponent. He close his eyes, preparing to do it, until he realized what a ridiculous and barbaric situation he was in.

"No. I'm not doing this."

The knife fell, and Robbie opened his eyes to see his hands and legs free. Immediately, he jumped over the enclosure and back into town, yelling about how he'd never forget this.

Every horse in the circle looked at him, confused and shocked.

"Why didn't you do it? Why did you spare his life?!" Their leader asked furiously.

"This isn't right!" He yelled back. "This isn't what a gentleman is about at all!"

"You think you know better than us? We, who have been upholding etiquette for decades."

"You know, all of you pretend to be so much higher than everyone else" He started. "You put on these false pretenses, and practices because you think it gives you a right to treat other differently. But I'm starting to think it's a bunch of horseradish!"

Numerous unicorns gasped in shock of the forbidden word, and one even fell over. Cellestebellebethabelle snorted angrily over him and stomped her hoof. "Kill Robbie or never become a true gentleman!"

He looked at her unfazed. "Then it looks like I'll never become a true gentleman."

The crowd around him dispersed in various degrees of dissapointment. Their leader looked back at him with a mixture of distaste and anger.

"Never return to here ever again!"

* * *

 **E** cho

* * *

Later, that night, after the long day, he was in his room with Mabel telling each other about their days. Mabel had spent the better portion of the day with Soos, cleaning up the shop(Long story, but it involved a really complex dare). Upon finding out he had spent the day with unicorns, she shoved him in disbelief (and a little furious envy).

"So, wha are you going to do about Wendy?" His sister asked, prying the gum off her sweater.

"I dunno. But it feels like the whole day was kind of a waste. I tried learning to be a gentleman, but it turns out the people teaching me were awful, so I don't know what to believe."

"Well, maybe being a gentleman is about staying true to your beliefs. I think that you stood up for what you believe in and that's super gentlemanly."

"You think so? That's kinda corny."

"I know so, bro. Well, might be kinda cliche but whatever, it works."

As Dipper went to sleep, he decided to just let things work itself out.

The next day at the shop, he was hanging out with Wendy, sitting under the counter so Stan couldn't see them not work. And to watch him do his weird Stan things without him knowing

They finished laughing at him get beat up by an old lady who he made a suggestive comment on when Wendy got a text.

"Ugh, it's Robbie. Ignore." She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, yeahhh. So how's it going with him?" He tried to ask casually.

"I broke up with him yesterday and he won't stop texting me?"

"Huh? Wait what happened?" He tried to contain his excitement and not embarrass himself like usual.

"We went to the horse ranch yesterday night and he got super scared for some reason. What kind of person's afraid of horses? Along with that, the cattle ranch owner said he got into a fight with some other guy. Could you believe him? One thing on the outside and someone totally different inside. I just want a real honest gentleman, you know?"

He chuckled nervously. "Yeah, I think I know what you mean."

* * *

 **Hcza wegso Utftz ew twz cfb t wiflvzig wy bai hvzx. Mygbd wnx xh hil e koxxbvt, ksqvl uzpe tvdiyl mlt gswi htgezhcxbr bamcud nhv 20 bwycmih ppnhvt zpiomcu epksjus bai lwylha hqcmtqxbr nhv qzzww.**


	10. Throwback Hairsday

In a dimly lit room, a boy with a large, white hairdo was sitting in front of a monitor. In the room was a large vanity mirror with bulbs lining it, and a desk with little wooden models of familiar people-and a familiar shack.

Wrrr! Wrrr! The monitor screen repeatedly rewound, showing footage from the Gravity Central Metro. In there was the town kook, Old Man McGucket. The boy didn't know why, but there was something he was missing about this tape-no, this geezer. He went a bit forward and froze it to see the girl he loved, walking down the subway, and her brother in tow.

"Oh, Mabel, if only he wasn't in the way." He pulled out an unmarked journal and flipped through it. As usual, he was searching for something to make her love him, and as usual he found nothing. But he knew that there had to be a way, and the only way to find that is to find the one who knows the secrets of this town, and the magic within.

"It's time. Time to unlock the journal's greatest secret."

The boy set the book down to reveal a picture of a triangular being, with a single eye. He lit 8 candles surrounding the book.

"Triangulum, entangulum. Meteforis dominus ventium. Meteforis venetisarium!", he chanted.

Everything turned grey as his eyes glowed. Then, in a flash of light, a triangle was seemingly cut out of reality, and an eye opens in the center. It becomes yellow, it grows a bow tie, a hat and limbs.

"Well, well, well! If it isn't my favorite ventriloquist dummies! How you doing, Gideon?"

The boy looked up in shock. "Wh-what are you!?"

"Oh, that's right" The triangle said. "You Mortals experience things past, present, and then future. So I'm Bill, Bill Cipher. And I already know who you are! Hey, you want to see something cool?" Bill threw his hands up, causing the flames of the candles to suddenly burst up, and parted to reveal a demonic-looking deer without teeth.

"BREEEAAANGHH!", It brayed. Gideon screamed in horror as Bill sent the apparition back into the flames.

Catching his breath, he said, "Enough games, Demon! I need you to enter the mind of Fiddleford McGucket!"

Bill was intrigued. "Hmm. Alright, kid, but why?"

"He's the author of the journals! Isn't he!?"

The demon chuckled a bit.

"Ahaha! Yeah, sure, of course he is. I know the author, you see. See, he's even drawn a portrait of me!" He pointed at the picture in the journal. Before the young boy could voice his impatience, Bill asked him,

"So I'm guessing you want me to find the stuff in the journals while I'm in there? I bet pine tree would give you a look in his if you asked nice!" He looked pointedly at the still monitor.

The boy's eyes widened at the screen. "There are other journals!? And he has one!?"

"Of course, kid!" The demon snapped his fingers, and a large number 2 appeared on the cover of the book. "You didn't really think all the town's secrets could be recorded in one book, did you?"

"How many are there!?" He became flustered, and kicked over his chair. "How many does Dipper have!? I demand you tell me!"

"Relax, Gideon, we can get theirs later. But for now I say we pay the 'author' a visit!

* * *

-GOLF-

* * *

In the Mystery Shop, it was slower than usual. Of course, no one really wants to wake up on a Saturday morning. Stan Pines was pacing the shop floor, observing the various items for sale.

He picked up a jar of green fluid, opened it and took a sniff.

"Ugh! Yeesh, this is bad. Maybe I can market it as Listerine…" He put it back on its shelf and called out, "Kids! Get down here!"

Upstairs, his grand niece and nephew were awoken in a bit of confusion.

The twins went downstairs, rubbing their eyes as they went.

"Grunkle Stan, what is this about?"

"Is the FBI here?"

"No, no! I just need you to do something for me.", Stan said. They looked at each other. Whenever Stan asked them to do something for them, it was never good-or legal.

"So you see, the shop's items are getting kind of old. Whatever's not rotting in a jar is rusting away. And I think the customers are recognizing the keychains are made of parts of their cars."

Dipper looked at him. "So what do you want us to do about it?"

"Go find something, I don't know. This town's probably got a bunch of stuff layin' around that people aren't using. Rings, musical instruments, baseball cards. Doesn't have to be a lost item."

"Ooh, it'll be like a treasure hunt! I want to go find a gold tooth!" Mabel pipped ecstatically.

"That's the spirit! Ah, I remember when I was your age. It was simpler back then. Before, you could steal whatever you wanted from a convenience store and run out without a hitch. Now they've got all these security measure and whatnot."

"Grunkle Stan, Why don't you just go find some stuff on your own?"

"Because I said so. Now go before I turn you two into pawn items!" With that, they set off.

* * *

-LIMA-

* * *

Dipper was walking down the main street of Gravity Central, his sister right behind. They had been looking for something to put up in the shop, but had no luck so far. As they walked, Mabel spun around and hummed.

"Hmm hm hhmm, wandering in the streets, looking for treasure."

"I told you Mabel, we're not looking for treasure, we just need pawn items. And get back on the sidewalk or you'll get run over." He pulled her out of traffic just as a car zoomed by. The pair continued on for a while until they stopped at the Gravity Central Mall. They headed inside, looking for some potential valuables or victims to swindle.

Dipper thought of their options for a second.

"So I'm thinking we could go to Edgy on purpose and take some retail outfits, or some hair spray. That way we can have spray paint and clothing dye in one."

"Got it", Mabel replied. "Maybe we could split up, so we can hit some more shops."

"Good idea. We'll meet back here in twenty minutes." They separated, Mabel going to the gothic clothing store while Dipper went towards the Overalls are cool now. He went inside, and began switching around the price tags on the denim outfits. The plan was to put them at a lower price, and while the cashier was confused as to why they were cheaper than usual, he would make a break for it. This was a trick that was (unsurprisingly) taught to him by his Grunkle Stan. The preteen finished up and stepped in line at the counter. He looked at the clothes he was carrying in disdain.

"Geez, who would ever want to wear this? Not sure if it's even worth lifting."

"Dipper?" A voice came up behind him. He turned around and-of course. It was Wendy. She was standing there, holding a stack of denim and flannel with a curious expression. "Dude, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, uh, you know nothing, just buying some of these…" He grew flustered. "I mean, I don't have anything against it." He started sweating.

"Ok. Well, anyway, I'm just here getting some stuff for my family. You know I have to do this, like every week, right? My dad always ends up tearing through them when he's lifting weights."

"Oh yeah, I tear these tags when I'm lifting store items."

"What?" The cashier grew suddenly suspicious. "Hey, did you mess with those tags?" Dipper's mind completely stopped.

"Umm, well- I got to go!"

"Security!" He raced out of the store, flinging the clothes behind him. Without looking back, the young boy made his way down to the entrance to the mall. He had lost the guards, and also bumped straight into Mabel as he looked back.

"Ow! Dipper, Why are you running? And where are the clothes?"

"I lost them Mabel. I messed up when I met Wendy there and panicked. Oh man!" He sank down at his embarrassment.

"Oh." She could feel her brother's blunder, and it made her cringe. "Well, on the bright side, I got some cool stuff. You know they sell dark glitter? It's like being able to throw nighttime!" But she could see it wasn't cheering him up.

"Alright, bro-bro. How about we just go find some more stuff for the Mystery Shop? While we're out we can grab some nerd books or whatever." He looked up and smiled. "Yeah, all right. Let's go!" The twins left, and wandered town a little longer. They didn't find much, just a few some antique coins in the gutter, a spark plug, and a cassette tape.

"Oh hey!" Mabel looked at the tape. "It's a tape of Disco Girl by BABBA. I wonder who threw this out? Probably some weirdo getting his life straight."

"Yeah.", Dipper agreed. But he pocketed the tape when his sister wasn't looking. Thank you, whoever you are.

More aimless exploration eventually led them back to the mall.

"Ugh! Mabel, I think we've gone in a circle." Dipper started back towards the door.

"Wait! Who is that?" Mabel pulled her brother back.

"Knowing you, It's probably some monster boy…"

"No", She insisted. "Him." Over at the phone kiosk was a slightly portly bald man in a grey jumpsuit. He looked kind of like a technician, but only had a tape measure on his belt.

"Hey haven't we seen him before?", Dipper pointed out.

"Yeah, he does seems sorta familiar. Was he the plumber Grunkle Stan kidnapped to fix the outhouse of mystery?"

"No, we saw him a while back, remember? At the subway, but he just disappeared."

She hmmmed a second, and said, "Doesn't really matter, people just appear and reappear all the time. Let's steal his measuring tape."

"Oh yeah, that's right. Soos lost the last one measuring the depth of a bottomless pit."

He snuck up, staying low and reached for it as the mysterious man was talking to a salesman.

"-so I'm going through time, and I need to find him! Have you seen the person I have described?"

The salesman replied with "No, But have you seen this unlimited 4G for life plan? You can surf the web for all of time without extra fees!"

"Hmm, I may consider."

They swiped the tape measure off of him, and snuck out the mall's front entrance. Once they were in the clear, Dipper asked, "Now what do we do with it?"

"Ooh! We can measure my hair!" She waved her head around pointedly.

"I think it actually may be taller than you are"

"Hmmm." They extended the tape, and laid it against her hair. "Ok, Your hair is officially…" he retracted the tape, and it snapped into place. At that moment, the world stopped. The tape measure glowed, birds flapped their wings in reverse, speech became gibberish.

Time sped backwards, and in a flash the entire world changed.

"-just shorter than you. Wait, what happened?" The mall was gone. They were in an empty lot, and the street in front was littered in carts and wooden wagons. All around, people were wearing dresses and suits, and talking like old man McGucket. The twins look at each other in shock.

"Mabel. I think this tape measure… is a time machine! And we're in pioneer times!"

* * *

-OSCAR-

* * *

"Ok, we have to make sure not to touch anything. Got that Mabel?

"You mean when are we?" Dipper gave her a look. "What"

"Oh, I thought you were going to say-"

"No."

"Ok."

Suddenly a young Toby Determined jumped out wearing a fool's outfit and said, "Hey there whippersnappers! Now, Aren't those strange garments for eighteen forty-two !"

"What?" Mabel reeled back, very sure one of those words were swears.

"Hold on." Dipper led them out and saw- a street filled with old automobiles, candy shops with taffy in barrels and a familiar convenience store. "Thank goodness. It's just pioneer day."

"Alright. Well, we better get back before we do something really bad, it still looks really old-timey here." But before Dipper could send them back, Mabel grabbed his arm. "Dipper, look!"

She pointed past the crowd to a broad, large eared man.

"Grunkle Stan!" Dipper put his hand over his sister's mouth.

"Shhh! We're in the past, remember? We can't talk to him." He appeared to be talking to some of the townsfolk, and the twins ducked as he turned around.

"Something looks weird about him", Mabel pointed out. "Like his chin, I think."

"Whatever. Let's just get out of here." Dipper pulled the tape measure out, and they were off in an instant. When they got back, something was a little different.

"Huh? I thought we were outside of the mall." Dipper was already walking.

"Where are you going?" She followed.

"Look, Mabel. I don't know about you, but I'm going to use this opportunity to go make a good impression on Wendy. Right now we are at the exact moment we came into the mall today for the first time. Why don't you get the items, I am going to make sure everything goes right this time."

They split up, and soon Dipper was in the Overalls are Cool Now. He got the clothes and switched the tags expertly, and waited patiently in line. In a bit of a stilted voice, he said

"Wow, Country clothes are just awesome. I'm going to buy these."

"Dipper? Dude, what are you doing here?" Right on cue, Wendy was there.

"Oh hey Wendy, What's up?"

"Not much. I got to get new clothes every week cause my dad tears them lifting weights."

She's right here. You're doing great. Think of something.

"Let me guess, He thinks they're a pile of wood."

She laughed.

"Yeah, pretty much!"

Yes!

He paid for the clothes without a hitch, and got to the bottom before Mabel did. She arrived with an even larger bag of goodies.

"So how did it go?", Mabel asked.

He beamed."It was awesome! I didn't mess up, I got her to laugh, exited cooly. Pretty much my best interaction so far."

"Cool. I got some extra dark glitter and some glow-in-the-dark slap bracelets."

"Great. Now how about we go get some more stuff for the Mystery Shop?"

As Dipper started off to continue the day, Mabel suddenly stepped in front of him.

"Ah! Don't do that, Mabel, I could have bumped into you!"

"Sorry." She paused a moment before deciding, "Dipper, now that you fixed your thing, there's something I want to fix up too."

He immediately grew wary. "Mabel, we can't do too much with the past. Otherwise we risk altering it for the worse!"

"But you got to fix your mistake!"

"Mabel, no!" She made a wild grab at the tape measure, but missed. She ran him down, and took off with it. Dipper chased after her, weaving between various kiosks and booths.

"Mabel, Stop!" But it was already too late. The tape activated right as he caught her, and time once again was thrown backwards.

Oh no. where could we end up? Does she want to fix a date? That time she sprayed paint in her eyes?

When Dipper opened his eyes, he saw… lockers. And they were big. So were the water fountains, as well as the doors. He knew immediately where they were: Boring, Oregon, in second grade.

"I have to find Mabel." He looked around the hall until picking the door at the end. When he burst through, he saw several other children in chairs, lining up in front of a camera. It was picture day.

Mabel was up next, and had slap bracelets lining her entire arms and body, a few glowing. He worked his way towards her, awkwardly wriggling his way through.

"Next!" The photographer motioned for her to come up, but right before she could a girl walking by stuck her gum in his sister's hair. But she was expecting that. She took off a well-crafted wig, and bound her real hair in pigtails with more slap bracelets. Mabel went onto the platform and posed for her picture, and Dipper took her aside when the photographer was asking if she wanted to get the pictures on a Christmas card.

"Mabel, do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Relax, bro-bro. Can't be any worse than whatever you've done.

He winced. "Ok, but Mabel-"  
"No! All I want is to have a good picture! And see? Nothing happened."

Right then one of the camera bulbs burst. Huge amounts of film rolled out of the side.

"Oh no!", the photographer exclaimed. "Little miss, your glowing bracelets overloaded the camera!" The device burst into flames, setting everything-including Mabel's hair-on fire.

"Aaah!" Children everywhere screamed.

"You see Mabel? This is what happens when you mess around with time!"

"No, I just need to try again!" She pushed him away and pulled out the tape measure, setting them back. And again Dipper found Mabel take off the gum-covered wig and this time, the glowing bracelets. But when the picture was taken, the slap bracelets snapped up like bear traps, whipping around at the other kids and cutting them up. And again she tried, however it only ended up with the camera firing off a light so bright all the kids were blinded. Dipper quickly snatched the time machine from Mabel, but before he could measure out exactly where they wanted to go, it started getting hot. It bounced around, and the pair began zipping through time, years, days, millennia, too fast to see. But eventually they returned to the present. When they landed, Mabel was still fighting to get the tape measure.

"Mabel, It's over! Give it up!" They both stopped.

"Look, I'm sorry, but it's obvious how that timeline plays out. I don't think there's anything that we can do." Dejectedly, she moped off, dumping her head into the fountain.

"Hey, Mabel." He picked his sister's head out of the water and made her look at him. "Do you remember how that day played out?"

"I don't want to remember."

"Come on.", He urged.

She sighed. "When we got to school. I had like, a million slap bracelets on and a new hairdo. And that jerk girl put gum in my hair right before I went up."

"And?" She was confused at first, but slowly started to see where he was going with this. "And then you… you came and was like, 'Hey, Mabel I have a razor'. And then you- you shaved your head!" She started laughing. "And I shaved my head, and we got an awesome picture."

"Yeah, so it worked itself out, right?"

"Yeah, I guess it did." She stood up. But their recollection was cut short by a "Hey!"

Dipper whipped around. The Overalls are cool now cashier was standing there, fuming-and Wendy was next to him. The man had several pairs of ripped overalls in his hands.

"You! You destroyed my store!"

"What?" He was bewildered. Wendy offered an explanation. "So I told my dad your joke, and he thought that overalls are actually wood, and started wrecking this dude's store."

"So I guess It's _all over_ ", Mabel said. "You know, like overalls?"

"I'll be taking those." He took the overalls Dipper was holding and stormed off, as Wendy left with her father. "And I guess that's my timeline correcting itself." He sat down.

"Cheer up, Dipper. Things will work itself out. She put a slap bracelet on his wrist, and they smiled. Again, though, they were interrupted. "You two!"

"Oh, jeez who is it now?" Mabel helped dipper up. The janitor/technician guy stomped his way over, and pointed at them. "You! Do you have any idea what you've done with this!?" He grabbed the tape measure from Dipper and shoved it into his belt. "I'm asking, I-I wasn't there for any of it."

"Well, uh we just-"

"Nothing!"

"Look at this!" he pulled out a digital wristwatch. "I have been recording all kinds of time anomalies! Hairspray in the era of Visigoths, which are now just goths! and slap bracelets in the future! And Illegal slap bracelets in the future!"

"Illegal?"

"Y-yeah, them and muskets are illegal in the future!" they exchanged confused looks.

"Look! You two have caused me enough trouble so far, and-and nearly destroyed the universe! Again!"

"Dude, what are you talking about?", Dipper stepped back.

"Yeah, we don't even know you!". He got even more flustered.

"What!? I'm Blendin! Blendin Blendamin Blanjin!" I'm a time traveler? The they shook their heads, not knowing at all what he was talking about.

"Well, either way you two are coming with me!" He grabbed them both against their protests, but the tape measure started wriggling. "Wha-?" It shook violently, and in a bright flash, he was gone.

"Where did he go?" Mabel asked.

"I don't know, but I'm sure he's alright. Let's just go home.

* * *

-WHISKEY-

* * *

At the Shop, They unloaded their day's haul, exhausted.

"Huh", Grunkle Stan remarked. "You kids actually did pretty good. Maybe I should send you two out more often!" Groans from his grandniece and nephew said otherwise, so he retired to his lounge with the items to sort them out. But just when the twins reached the stairs, a bell rang as a visitor stepped inside.

"We're not open today, just leave your money next to the register!" Grunkle Stan's voice called.

The man shuffled in, sporting a white beard, mechanic's garb and a terrified expression.

He quickly shut the door and his eyes darted back and forth anxiously, as though all the pawn shop products were a bomb to be lit.

Dipper squinted. "Old man McGucket?"

"What are you doing here?" Mabel added.

"Fellers, I need help. I have a demon… and he's in my mind."

G avkzzungavax hoo uyqa g ycnslz daxoj... hfh pnpb dk hoo hffjko pu mwcs-oy-hdk-oonq nvastqwrd, va od bkc... EVA NFAWT ECNIS

* * *

 _Co-Author here. Not sure if you can tell, but I wrote this one. This is the first part of the season one finale, so get ready! Not really much else to say, we should start uploading a little more regularly._


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